I verbally abused my wife, I was drinking too much, lost all sense of reality really. I was jealous, controlling and generally not a nice person
I was drinking every night from getting home from work until I passed out on the sofa, I isolated her, and neglected her.
I knew it was happening, but did not see the effect it was having on her and our children, I was not a good father, I deeply loved my wife and children, but they never saw it.
15 months ago my wife left me, I was devasted, but still carried on drinking, with the drinking came more anger, more abuse, more arguments, if anything it probably strengthened her in her decision to leave me.
This carried on until 6 months ago, I woke up 1 day and knew I was a mess, something had to change.
I have not had a drink since that day, I attend AA meetings, and I'm a different person.
My wife has divorced me, I think, I'm not totally sure that the final decree has come through, but I class us as divorced.
I have my children 3 nights a week, and I'm now the parent my children always deserved.
My wife has a new partner, he was in the background when we split, I didn't know this until quite recently, again it hurts.
A little about us, we have been married 13 years and got 2 great kids, we both worked hard to get where we are, nice house, cars, holidays, etc
We have known wach other from being 10, we are both now 40, we have loved each other since we were 15-16, got together properly at 24. We had a deeply loving, passionate relationship, we ML nearly every night, and found each other incredibly attractive, we were best friends, and loved each other.
My drinking became an issue about 5 years before we split, it was ok at first, but over the years became a big problem, hence the split.
Since I have stopped drinking, we are getting on great, we talk nearly everyday, I always try and leave all contact to come from her, and we are very honest with each other.
She has told me that she is still hurting badly from what happened, the OM is a good guy, a nice guy, but he would have never been an option if I had not hurt her.
She tells me that I have changed, and she is really happy for me, our children benefit from it mostly, and she has told me how happy it makes her seeing them with me, and how much they love me.
Today we had another talk about us, the hurt I caused, etc, and I accept what I did and why I'm where I am now.
I love this woman with all my heart, I have not only lost the love of my life, but also my best friend, we have both told each other that we miss each other, but she is still hurt from what I became, and the memories of me being abusive.
I know I don't deserve anything from this woman again, but I know that we still love each other, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her making her happy.
My question to all the people who have been abused is does the hurt heal with time, I know that time is my only friend in my situation.
I accept what I have done, I've changed back to me, I know I hurt her, but I cannot stop loving her
I can only hope that time can heal wounds, and maybe, just maybe, I can be with her again
