Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY

[tenbusrider]

Thanks again, KD. It's really nice to have encouragement at a time like this.

After Friday's interaction being so tense, I've been feeling a bit pensive. She had her best friend over last night, and I was getting weird vibes off of her (the friend). While I know MIL isn't badmouthing me, I can't shake this feeling that the friend may be encouraging her to leave me. I know I can't do anything about that, but it really made me feel awful to have her there. I was nice to her, of course, but it felt so forced and unnatural. The worst part is her friend is the W of my best friend. I've known them both longer than I've known my W.

I get up around 5 on days that I work, the house is usually dark and quiet. This morning, W was up, looked like she hadn't been sleeping well. Told me she'd had a nightmare about her mother, and S had been tossing and turning (still sick). Her stomach was also pretty upset. I told her I was sorry that she'd had an awful night, and left feeling pretty lousy, having seen her feeling so bad. Really wish I'd have been able to do more, but I'm just so limited right now. Ugh.

[tenbusrider]

Always thinking of things to add after I hit submit and can edit the post...

W cleaned the house yesterday. I mean, really cleaned. This was a very rare occurrence prior to separation. She also brought some decorations that her mother had given her down from her room and rearranged the knick-knacks on the entertainment center. I know I shouldn't read into that, but it seemed like an interesting development.

[tenbusrider]

Bumping for kml again!

[kml]

I'm quitting drinking as of today. I'll get into AA if it proves to be a problem,

Just go to AA already. Even if you don't think you need it (you probably do!) it will show your wife that you are serious about owning your half of the problems.

I had 2 years of treatment with methimazole, followed by RAI. I became rapidly hypothyroid after (not everyone does that fast) and wasn't truly well until I found an alternative physician who treated me with Armour thyroid (the old-fashioned thyroid med made from dessicated pig thyroid). Endocrinologists don't use it much because, frankly, it's unpatentable and there are no pharmaceutical
reps taking them out to dinner to promote its use. But it works way better than Synthroid esp. for someone who has had ablation or thyroidectomy.

[labug]

Wow I was just on CO1978 thread where the subject was AA. I agree with kml, just go to AA.

Google AA podcasts and check those stories out.

[tenbusrider]

I'm despairing right now! Just heard a part of a phone call she had with her mother... she wants to know what steps to take to begin the D process... I thought I was making progress! Where have I gone wrong?

[~ kd ~]

Her mom obviously knows about your sitch. Maybe her mom is supporting your W's decision. What parent doesn't want to help end the torment of their child.

Maybe your W is simply going through the exercise so that her mom believes your W is taking the steps "to be happy".

As you said, you heard PART of the call. Maybe her mom was explaining how much work a D is...

No way to know the meaning...

It takes a few miles and bunch of time to stop a speeding, loaded freight train...

Keep doing what you are doing. A phone call about D process to her mom does not mean you haven't made progress.

[tenbusrider]

Thank you once again, kd. I'm trying to keep that in mind.

I spoke to my Pastor about this. He wants to talk to her. Is this a good idea?

[~ kd ~]

Sometimes... you can't even lead the horse to water... never mind make them drink...

While your pastor (like any friend) would like to interfere on your behalf... how do you think your W would feel approached by ANYone... let alone a representative of God... to discuss her... "ways"...?

If she is to understand things differently, it will be her decision...

When the student is ready, the teacher appears...

Just another way of saying, "we can't control the thoughts and choices of another"

[tenbusrider]

How about if he texted her and just offered to talk if she wanted to? He seems to think no harm could be done if we're at this stage. Of course, he's not familiar with DB.