Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[SunFunOne]

Hi C2H,

Yes, I think this is your Rebound R. Yes - you need to end it now - you know it has no future.

You seem convinced you need to try harder because your friends like her. You've mentioned this more than once. And they have spent how much time with her? Like maybe an hour or 2 at most?

That woman sounds like someone to RUN from and never look back.

Most people are a bit "clingy" or a bit desperate Post D. Everything we've known and been comfortable is gone. And dating after 40 is a whole new ballgame. But that doesn't mean you need to sell your soul to the first person who seems to like you. She is likely coming from a needy place. Is that what you want? Or a "together" person. Someone who is with you because of who you are - not just because they want "someone".

Anyway - set your goals higher and I'll bet you'll find someone that you really ARE into.

Personally - I'd cancel tonight and call it quits.

Best wishes - it is never easy.

Barb

[ClingingToHope]

I went on the date and had a very good time and ... I just don't feel it.

Yes. I need to end it and I'm going to work on how to do it gracefully. There is another complication here. Her son actually goes to school with my 12-year-old. They are in different grades.

Still, she told me she asked her son if he knew my daughter. He doesn't. I have to be sensitive though to end this the right way because I don't want this to effect D12.

I wish I felt it for her. She's a nice person. I just don't.

I'm trying to figure out if it's because I'm still holding on to the dream of somehow getting XW back or if it's just her and this situation.

Yesterday, I spent about 15 minutes on the phone with XW, going over these medical bills. And she's very nice, and refuses to ask for everything she's entitled to because she knows my financial situation is tight. She tells me that she told the girls there's no money for anything fun the next two weeks even though she got paid yesterday.

So everything is a mess and my thoughts drift .... and I'd really would have just been with my family last night.

That being said, when I thought I had a chance with Church_31 this summer I jumped at the chance to meet her parents.

So again, I don't know if I'm stuck in the past or just not into this one person.

[ClingingToHope]

Luckily, things took care of themselves.

I didn't text DHU-41 Sunday. Instead, I did a lot of thinking.

I did text her Monday to see how it went with her son.

She responded that she got in a huge fight with her ex.

That's drama I want no part of.

Before I could respond she said she didn't think it was working out between us. She said I should be excited to be with her and she could tell I wasn't Saturday.

A couple more texts and now it's over.

I feel very, very, very relieved.

Now I can focus on getting back in shape. I've really slid since the car accident. I can focus on getting the book for the developer done. He's paid me $500 so far and I've got lots of work to go. I need to get it done by end of summer so I can focus on grad school in the fall.

I can focus on my daughters and not wonder how/if to incorporate someone into their life I wasn't 100 percent sold on.

I can focus on finishing up the settlement of the accident. It'll be interesting to see if I can avoid bankruptcy.

I can't wait to not have that hanging over my head.

[whatisis]

You got ditched...congrats!

[SunFunOne]

I'm glad for you that it is over. Especially when you knew it wasn't right and you were worried about ending it. Now you are free to concentrate on all the other things going on in your life. And free for the right person who might come along.

Barb

[kat727]

Yep, glad it's over. I honestly think as long as you are holding on to hope to reunite with your ex you shouldn't date. Secondly, the people I know that did save their marriages were done with their spouse. They weren't holding out hope, they had really moved on. Some had bought homes out of state and had taken jobs away from their spouses. I know not feasible for you but you should get the idea. You aren't done and until you are, you remain stuck.

kat

[ClingingToHope]

I don't know that I'm not ready to date. I was pretty excited when I went out with DHU-41, but the red flags popped up pretty fast.

This summer, I really liked Church_31 and jumped at the chance to meet her family. When she wasn't interested in being more than friends I was really disappointed.

So I'm going to plow forward but continue to narrow my search. Really, with my schedule it's really going to be difficult anyway.

Each relationship is a chance to figure out what I really want. I think I learned a lot from this last one.

[whatisis]

Just remember, it's OK not to be ready! There's no magic formula or time where you must be ready. It will happen when it happens. I had a coffee date with a lady who has been divorced for seven years and when I asked for another date she informed me that she has realized she's just not ready to date yet. R's are hard work and you want to be ready to do that work, it's OK not to be there yet.

[kat727]

If you are willing to get back with your ex wife if she said okay, you are NOT ready to date. It isn't fair to the other person. If you want to just hang out with people that is one thing but dating with it possibly leading somewhere, nope you aren't there.

kat

[ClingingToHope]

It was posted on another thread that when someone is interested in you or you are interested in them, you will make the effort -- no matter the cost to see them.

With Church_31, I was willing to do that. With this one, I wasn't willing to go out of my way at all.

In terms of the XW. It's kind of like drunk dialing. When things don't work out with someone, you get weepy or sentimental and think about other relationships.

I'm not going to go into a shell and turn down opportunities. I'm also not out there desperately looking for SOMEONE, ANYONE.

When I look at the last 14 months, I'm happy with how it's turned out. There was that one party girl I saw twice in Dec. 2010 and realized there's no way I'd introduce her to my daughters so I stopped that right away.

Then there were two lunch dates in the summer that didn't go anywhere.

Now, this thing lasted -- kind of -- for five weeks and instead of clinging, I just let her go.

I'm interested to see who's next.