Hey Antonia! I am so relieved and happy to have this thread to think over. It's amazing that generally the same thing happened with your xh, that has happened with my stbx.
We stoop up for ourselves and said NO MORE. And what did they do? They ran.
You know what gets under my skin? It sounds as if your XH was aware he had some big issues he needed to get a grip on and work through. At the same time he placed it in your hands and made you responsible for his happiness. Well my stbx has done this too.
I guess this is rational trying to understand "irrational" but why on earth can someone sit there and admit they need some work, but then turn right around and run from it? I said to stbx the day before he left. " why don't we try counseling instead of taking all that money and pouring it into a motel room for you to live?" His response : "there's no doubt I need to see a psychiatrist, Im sure I do. But that would've helped 2 years ago, not now. I have to go and find my happy again."
To translate: " You're right. I also acknowledge I need to work on some issues that I have. But I really don't want to deal with this, it's too intense. If I go out on my own I can probably find things, and people (OW) to distract me from my issues, feel in total control, therefore I will be happy. Then I won't need counseling because Im in control."
Yes this has been empowering. I feel so much better with this new insight to things and acceptance is feeling alot easier. I think it takes alot of validation for us LBS before we can really get to a place of accepting and believing it really wasn't all our fault, and we didn't cause this. At least I know that's how it works for me.
