I have not shown any anger since 2 Fridays ago when we actually discussed the A. I have actually been more gracious and kind since that night. Which is a total 180 for me. Ordinarily, I would ignore him, or be sharp in my words to him, and I haven’t done that one time. I know he’s expecting it. I told him I forgive him, and I meant it. I keep praying that God will release my anger. I probably should find a T and go talk about it. I just don’t want to talk about the past anymore. And that’s most T seem to want to do.
My GALs – kickboxing, Curves, church, and hanging with my friends. Most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships, so we don’t get to hang out a lot. I actually spend a lot of time by myself. Which is probably not good. I am a part of a couple of Meetup groups, but one is for wives and I just can’t handle going to their activities…not now anyway. I plan to look for some more soon. I was also encouraged by someone at work to look into voiceover work because she liked the sound of my voice. So I plan on beginning the research for that soon.
My 180s – Be sure to speak with a softer tone (not just to my husband, but with everyone); Ensure my facial expressions relay what I’m really feeling; Let stuff GO and don’t sweat the small stuff; Actively listening when my husband talks – this includes eye contact and waiting for him to finish his thought before I barge in; My H also likes to be greeted when he comes in the house (He mentioned this as another one of his issues). This may be pursuing, but this is something I plan on doing because I was not doing it before. I won’t go overboard, but I do know that if I don’t do this, things go downhill from there. So any ideas on how to do this, but not pursue would be great. (Not sure it’s possible, but I’m open to suggestions.)
My main goal right now is to be genuinely happy again. That was one of my H issues. He says I never seem happy. I think that’s because I didn’t know what to do when things would go wrong in our marriage, so I went into a deep depression. So I’ve been making myself get out and exercise. I don’t make it every day yet like before, but a couple of days are better than nothing.
And yes, I want to save my marriage to THIS man. Of course I don’t want to feel rejected or be alone. But, that’s not my motivation for saving my marriage. I genuinely love this man, even with everything that is going on. I accepted all the drama because that’s what I was taught to do. In my family, you don’t give up on your marriage. I probably didn’t handle it correctly (clearly because we are here now). If I had tried DB before, I may not be in the place I am now. I seriously thought something was medically wrong with my H, and that’s why we were not ML. He had been having issues before, so I honestly thought that was what the problem was. Stupid me.
I actually got both DR & DB books out last night and plan on reading through them both again today.
Seriously, thanks 25 for your comments. They give me pause to think about what I really want.
