Husband's wants out & one foot out the door...

[25yearsmlc]

My main idea for you is that you

MUST LOSE THE ANGER, at least in front of him.

It only fuels the negative images he has of you and undermines all your marital efforts.

When he's kind to you, or loving, or shows he's in pain,

Show some empathy and gratitude, not resentment.

OR TRY TO feel it... b/c it's just too negative to put a bad spin on those things.

And it's So not helping you.

I lived in the interior of Alaska for 3 years (w/a newborn and 2 older kids)

and my GAL included

auditioning for community theater and getting roles-met cool new people

stand up comedy

joined a writer's group

volunteered at a woman's shelter

learned to cross country ski, seriously fish, hunt and snowmachine

took an Italian Cuisine class, a class in French Conversation

and a pottery classs (huge 180 for me)

Learned to fly and got my pilot's license

Went skydiving (summer only)

Worked out and got in excellent shape.

Saw a T and got on some ADs for the winter. They helped.

Most of these things cost very little.

The more you focus on GAL and your 180s (what are THEY?)

the easier the detachment will be AND

you may manage your anger and pessimistic (glass is half empty) approach to life.

That would greatly help YOUR happiness and that makes you more attractive.

But heck, being happy is your job and your task and a gift you give yourself.

Forgiveness is a process - but it's FOR YOU

b/c no one who is holding onto her pain/anger, can be happy.

Holding onto anger b/c you think it hurts the other person -

is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.

What specific changes in yourself would YOU like to make?

Do you want THIS MAN and marriage, or are you simply not wanting to "lose"?

I ask this not to offend, but it seems to me that you agree you mistreated him- and that you have many personal issues not related to him.
But he's also been flirting or more, with OWs for most of the r. You accepted that and NOT ML for months...

So do you want HIM, or do you just not want to be alone or feel rejected?

this question matters...read the Div Remedy book again, it really helps. I see new things in it all the time and I've read it probably 5 times.

((( )))