Outside the Scope of This Report

[forward]

I think that many people--not just MLCers--confuse love and pity. You might want to pose that point to him. I think some MLCers (mine was one of them) are determined to rescue the poor, poor OW. And a lot of the OWs are very messed up people. I think my X still feels so very sorry for OW, even though she took advantage of him and took off when things got real.

There is no attempt to understand what I might have gone through. I can say that I did my best to understand him and his emotions--maybe it wasn't enough but I did my best and I am trying my best to be a better person and to be my best with New Guy.

I think it is wise not to be friends. I think if you want to reconcile, you have to move in that direction, but OP needs to be gone and not the subject of all this sympathy. And it is not fair to you to expect to be friends if you divorce. How can you get involved with a new person if your X is hanging around? Answer: It is harder. And I think that is part of why they want to be friends.

Yet it is interesting that many if not most of them try. To me that suggests unfinished business as well as a complete lack of understanding of what being the LBS might be like.