My guess is YES...consciously he is still resolute. But subconsciously, who knows? There seems to be some cognitive dissonance...a bit of confusion, which is a goal of the 180s and GAL.
We want to counter their negatives with positives. We stop fueling their negatives. We replace them with positive images of family life and how WE are as individuals and how we interact with them...
What you are doing is helping you, yes. But even if he is starting to consciously question his choices he will NOT TELL YOU for a long time. You'd probably be the last person b/c he does not feel safe and won't for awhile.
He'll double check his choices with himself and the few people he's talked to about it. He'll want validation IF he thinks reconciling is safe to do...or divorcing/separating...either way, you'll find out a lot later than others.
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE...
You are the mother of his children and you are now being kinder and more loving to him.
How can that NOT matter?
You must pull back, back off and NOT engage in any of the "what does this mean NOW?"
that's obsessing and NOT detaching. Keep up the detaching...here's a short reminder of what that means so you stay on track.
"This was originally posted by Peanut. (Edited a tad by me...) ============ I. Detachment Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship. Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded, and we say or do things that undermine accomplishing our goals.
We can NOT control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love.
Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’
It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
_________________________
Purg, Get back to DETACHMENT, GAL and the 180s...
DBing is helping your situation (or at least your sanity, which is also nice) so keep it up.
Stay on course.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
