After breakfast, H went out to his truck to finish working on the stereo. I sat in the truck with him and helped as needed... Here's what I need help with: look at this conversation: H: So, I don't want to be a jerk, but you seem to be nicer to me lately. I'm just not used to it. M: How do you think I should be acting? H: Well, I would think that you would still be mad and upset with me. You're being nicer to me than you ever were when we were together. M: This is a bad thing? H: No, but I just want to make sure you aren't still trying or getting the wrong idea. M: I appreciate your concern. (jokingly) I can be a b!tch if you would prefer. H: No, haha. I mean you're doing everything right, it makes me...... (long pause).... worry that you're getting the wrong idea.
Two possibilities. One is, that he means it totally. He's glad you are making changes you wanted to make anyhow, BUT of course it changes nothing about how he feels...
um, he MAY THINK that, but does it truly make sense that his feelings will remain firm and that NOTHING you do or say will affect those feelings? Ever??
Second, his feelings and his plan are being challenged in an unexpected way, i.e., by YOUR behavior. He does not trust it yet. You've shared with us before that you made temporary changes before this but then reverted to old behaviors. So he's got some real history to rely on.
He does not WANT to trust it...He fears that if he did, you could backslide & reveal it was all a tactic to get him home, and he'd have gone through all this "public" upheaval to move on, only to reconcile and be hurt again.
He may feel that you only care now b/c he's interested in another woman and you just don't want to "Lose" him to her, as opposed to really wanting and loving HIM for who he is. Either way, it's nonsense to believe his feelings won't be affected by your behavior.
IT's still possible, sadly, that it's too late. We all know that risk exists.
But are there ANY signs that things might be slowing down, stalling out or even turning around?
Yes, absolutely there is at least a slowing down..
He asked me again about my trip to Florida, if I had it all planned out. I told him that I'm just going to 'wing it'- and he laughed and said that's totally not like me (I'm normally the one who plans, organizes every detail.) Nice 180...but let him know a FEW new 180s like the skydiving type things...but not too much info. The mystery counts as well as the 180s.
What do I do with this information?! He obviously noticed that I'm in a better mood- but it's kinda backfiring on me. Is he still resolved in his decision?
I need help with the next steps!
There is NO BACKFIRING...what are you talking about? Did we read the same convo??
He just told you he notices you are changing!!!!.
Now you have to explain at some appropriate time, that you are changing for YOU and not him. Not that he didn't deserve it but now YOU GET IT...YOU have had an awakening...remember??
That you wish you had changed earlier b/c life is better not worrying and fretting and keeping your health factors in check. Being angry wasn't being happy.
If you really feel the Mother Teresa Purg in you going, thank him for being the catalyst for change "Even though" you know it came late...hey, "better late than never."
He needs to know that "This ain't no act" and only time and consistent change on your end will get him there.
You want this for YOU and you are getting excited about what life has in store for YOU right around the corner...
(then get out of the area and take some deep breaths before you freak!!)
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
