A few developments have happened and a few of your thought would be great
As I have said OM is around and as predicted the calls have stopped, I haven't called her, so there has been little contact for the last week really.
A few things happened regarding our D, nothing heavy just a few odd comments, it was pretty obvious that my wife and OM where having a night away somewhere, no big issue to me, I had the kids that night, and I just let the hurt go, and did not mention anything.
The following day she called me a few times, about nothing really, but as she had not called for around a week, it was obvious, again I didn't mention anything, the out of the blue she asked how my not drinking was going?
I told her fine, I didn't think about it really, I still went to AA, but I had complete control and was very happy, she said she was really pleased and we left it at that.
I have recently been taking a girl out I have knew for a long time, she is a little younger than me, very attractive, and we get on really well, its nothing serious, but I am enjoying the company of an attractive woman again, my wifes friends saw me 1 night with her and the next day I got a call from her about it, she was all cool about it, but the fact she mentioned it, meant it was on her mind.
So...last night the kids where with her and I took my friend for a drink and a meal, nothing fancy, but it was nice, while we were out wife called, I just let it go to voicemail, then she called again, then again, then again.....!!
When it got to 11 missed calls with no voicemail messages??? I called her and asked if there was a problem, tld her I had missed the calls, she said there was no need to ignore her if I was out with my girlfriend!! I just laughed it off, and it was only about my son wanting his laptop dropped off!!, 11 calls!??
Then this morning I was out watching a footabll game in the local park, wife called again, was I ok to talk?, told her where I was and it was fine, she started talking aboutthe kids then mentioned last night, told her I was just out with XXXX, and I didn't ignore her, then said I had to go.
5 minutes later she called again, asked me to call her when I'm on my way home
So I stayed a while then got in the car and called her, she asked if I was ok? She said that I didn't seem myself on the phone last night and was I ok?
I told her I was fine, and thanks for the call, she was going on about a few things, and I asked her if she was ok?
She was surprised at that, and said she was fine, then asked what I meant, I said that she seemed to me to that she was not totally happy, but maybe I was wrong, and I was sorry if I was.
Then it was all about us again!!
Basically she knows we are both seeing other people, and this is my fault, she still had loads of thoughts about me and the hurt I caused The OM is a nice guy, but if I hadn't hurt her he would have never been on the scene, and if he upsets her in anyway he's gone!!, again its all about me and the hurt I caused.
I listened and accepted what she was saying, and I also told her I was sorry again, I'm also sorry for the fact she is still hurting and hope in time that those memories fade
I also said that only me and her knew how we really felt, I know I hurt her and I didn't deserve anything, but I missed her as a friend.
Then there was a load of what I did wrongs, and never did's, again I accepted it all, I was very calm right through it all, I am so happy in myself and my life that I can handle all the hurt I still have without losing control and blowing off
We ended the call laughing about something and there was no bad feeling, in fact she just called again to ask about something to do with the kids!!!
I am as confused I as have always been!!, without it dominating my life.
I know the feeling between us is still massive, but again the past is very much still in her head, we get on great, we can both talk calmly to each other, and she still cares for me judging by the calls just asking if I'm ok?
I'm not going to change anything I'm doing, as there is no need, everything is calm and positive, maybe we are no closer from being together, but we are not getting further apart either.
I love this woman with all my heart, but there is nothing I can do until she wants to be with me, all I can be is a good friend to her.
I cannot believe how much I have changed in the past 6-9 months, I'm a different person, maybe this is what she is seeing also, I just don't know!!!
