Tonight I feel really over the idea of trying to save my marriage.
H hasn't really moved an inch in terms of his stated position to separate from me since bomb drop in August.
He's gotten progressively nastier and more withdrawn from us, to the point that he usually only sees the kids for (a very awkward) 30 mins, or so, every 3 days.
I've only been thinking I've been DBing all these months - but probably have been continuing to pursue because I just can't believe that he's doing this to us; nor have I really accepted that he truly wants to live without us.
I've apologised for my part in our marriage problems, I've been 180-ing my ass off and acting 'as if' to the best of my ability. I've listened and validated and not contacted him apart from details about the kids. I've kept the road home paved and smooth.
It's all gotten me no-where with him even though I've had some major insights into my own inadequate (hurtful, controlling, perfectionist) ways of interacting and I've changed things around in this regard so that I am much happier with myself and my relationship with my kids is much better.
BUT, I'm just about ready to give up I think. I just don't like this man. He's cold, stubborn, doesn't care for me in the least, and most importantly, seems to have no regard for what he's putting our children through.
His latest effort involves refusing to attend S13's first day of senior school tomorrow - at a special event for which all boys are invited, with their parents, to meet their Head of House, their Mentor, and other senior boys in their House.
When I texted H to tell him that this event was happening and that parents were expected to attend, he simply texted back - "Are you going or me?"
In other words, he will not now go to S13's school functions if I am going to be there. What a scumbag. I am so angry and upset for S13 on this important day. And I'm sick and tired of this sort of behaviour that only punishes the children.
I'm really starting to wonder why I want to have this person in my life at all. He's the father of my kids, but shows them so little care that not having him around might be a less damaging option for them.
I feel as if I've moved on but he's stuck in the past. Again tonight he brought up the old "I had an affair and lost all our money " line when reiterating that there was no chance that he'd ever come back.
