Thank you. I can honestly look back and say that I did everything in my power to make this work for the kids. I wanted it to work, but I can only do so much. After all that has happened, and the stuff that happened today (seriously every week she does something) I don't want her back.
Personally, I think I've been grieving the loss of 16 years with her. I'm 32. That's half my life. As for who she is now...I can't stand her. I think I came to a point today that I could actually see her for who she really is. I've been denying it for years because I didn't want to admit that she could do this to me.
She can try to take and take as much as she wants. I think she'll be in for a surprise. I see through her BS now. I'm happy to get out of this relationship and move forward.
As far as her trying to come back as the divorce proceeds...well you're probably right. I can see that happening. But some of the stuff she has done is unforgettable. Even if she was truly repentant I don't think I could take her back. I'm the kind of guy where I can be very patient and forgiving, but once I get to the point that it's over...it's over.
It's going to be hard for her to take and take when I won't have anything to do with her. I'll be nice and friendly and co-parent the best that I can with her...but that's it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the divorce as far as custody goes. I'll deal with that after I get completely moved out and settled in. It wouldn't be right to make a decision with my emotions the way they are. I'll have to do what's best for the kids. One thing at a time though.
All in all I feel relieved. A lot of weight has been taken off my shoulders. Something clicked today. I'm not in love with her and I do not want to reconcile. If it weren't for the kids I'd walk away and she'd never know where I went. We would never speak again. If it weren't for the kids I never would have dealt with this for so long.
Maybe I'm emotional and just venting. I don't know. I feel a little bit of sadness. But I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm very calm and feel centered for the first time in a long while. Who knows. Tomorrow I could long for her like never before. I somehow doubt that, but I've never gone through a divorce before. Heck, I haven't dated anyone since I was 16. She was my first. So, I'm pretty naive I suppose.
I'll probably pop in now and then. I dont know that i could help anyone on the board since my M failed miserably.
I know some of you have reconciled. Some have divorced. Some are working on their marriage. Some are DB'ing their butts off just hoping and praying for a chance. Whatever situation you're in I wish you all the best. Thanks for kicking my @$$ when I needed it (especially you MrBond) and encouraging me. You all will never know how much it meant to me.
