I was defensive more about confusion over my position in all this.
Like most - I waffle back and fourth Like most - I have a hard time digesting that the person my S is now is the same person who left back in June (IE: the alien taking over)
This^^^ is normal.
When my younger sister's h of 13 years left her for OW, whom he married 30 days later, another problem for her was that she felt her world view of things was so off, that maybe she was wrong about "Everything." After all, if SHE had not seen THAT coming, what else was she missing?
She began questioning her judgement, and making decisions for her became an ordeal. This went on for some time. My family and I worried a lot about her. I have to say, time alone did not completely heal her. She needed more help and agreed to get it, and the meds DID help her, thank God...
I've been there and done that and believe me, there's no shame in it. Right now you are NOT thinking clearly enough to remember the old strong you. But you are in there.
Right now you have what my doctor calls a 'grief induced thought disorder"...you feel so hurt you think differently and you don't realize this pain is NOT eternal and it's NOT fatal...if you get some help.
was my gut right tho or did I fear it so much that I drove it to become reality?
I really am sorry for your sisters sitch and hers puts mine in perspective a bit. I feel very much the same as what you decribed only the difference is I knew in my heart he would leave eventually. No one would put up with the abuse i PUT Hhim through forever. I am in therapy and on meds, but this time its not getting me over this 'hump'. Tonight I reached out to my sister who is a Psychologist and she is going to see if I can gt fast listed in a program through her contacts. I have been hiding this all from my familty mor or less since Oct. Today I reached my breaking point
Like very few - I have a relatively short history with this man and no children. Minimal paperwork and I can walk away from this
But despite how it looks like from what I've written on here, I am responsible for the R getting to where it is now. I did SO much wrong that I didn't touch on for fear of my initial post being too long
okay let's say it's ALL your fault...(we know it's not but let's say that for a minute)...so you are human. You're flawed. Join the club of mankind...
You made well intended mistakes or got too possessive or insecure and jealous...maybe an instinct kicked in b/c apparently your gut was right...
but if you made mistakes out of anger, that is a fixable problem. These are traits you can work on. That means you LEARN from the mistake and move forward as a better person than before.
That's all any of us can do...
[color:#CC33CC] I intend on never letting my fears of abandoment drive away anyone ever again
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He is responsible for his actions since things went south
I really don't think we will recon. but it doesn't mean that in the meantime... I am having a hard time.
I think once he gets home, I find a place and start to move out, it will be easier on me. Yes it will be easier and clearer, and that time is coming soon.
oh my gosh yes, as much as I hate the day to come as it means its really really over, it needs to come. IIt will realy help with closure for me
Living here... knowing that pretty much 99% we are never going to be together again, is just... friggen hard.
But I made my bed. I chose to stay here to help myself out.
I wonder if I should delete Skype? Hes the only reason I have it, so we could talk while he was on tour.
Perhaps deleting it would help me let go of that. Great idea. Get the heck off Skype. HE can email you if he wants....or if it's uber important he can get on a satellite phone, online, etc...skype is not mandatory over there. My brother is there now and rarely uses skype (But I plan on it when h goes)...get off of it, asap. That's a great step forward for you.
Okay, with your words of encouragement, I had the nads to do it. Done. both on my laptop and Iphone. Gone. I feel liberated
But is it weird that I am afraid to delete it in fear he might WANT to contact me there and I won't get his message?
God I'm a hopeless case. nothing is hopeless. Find yourself asap and get thru the baggage and pain of this r, and be YOU again.
Usually I can shake off feeling suicidal within an hour or so but it's still with me clear as day. If I had access to a gun, I would be dead right now. 100%.
Call someone NOW...and get help.
[color:#CC33CC] Done. called sister and divulged truth finally
I can't recall your GAL activities but we hammer them for a reason. They help.
