My W is really a wreck emotionally and psychologically. Shes sees the stakes here for herself, for our M and for our family and it adds to the stress for her. Every now and again she hits this wall and completely loses it. She really is a lost soul right now. She will make breakthroughs, take some time to look them over and try to move forward. It seems like each stage of this she gets through she falls apart at the beginning of the next level.
All I can do is keep keeping the road home open for her, which I am, so that she can at least walk around on it while she goes through this.
I'm being told by people who have knowledge of theses types of crisises that she may not truly start on the path to healing until she hits rock bottom. Sometimes she look to be making gains, and then other times seems to be unraveling.
Another curve ball in the mix is her MIL who lives with us is going through something of her own, and there are many lifelong issues between the both of them. She wants to move out so I think I will have to rent the in-law apt out and give her the rent money for her to live. It's just another issue adding to my W's troubles in her crisis, and one more thing I'm tackling.
Its funny how life can take suprising turns. In the last year and a half:
- my Dad has a near death experience while in a routine outpatient operation. Because the post NDE physical therapy requirements were so hard on him, and my stepmother has cancer at the same time, I start planning my business trips to DC around taking care of them on weekends (they lived there). - because I'm the closest to them in distance and its 500 miles away they decide to move to Chicago to be near my stepmom's family. That's great for them but it was very tough for my family because that meant they moved from the house we spent our entire lives at. Because of some real estate deals that busted in the downturn I could not buy their house and keep it in the family. It was all a big adjustment. - my oldest son had open heart surgury (successful!), my next oldest son crushes his hand under a steel I beam, and I tear my rotator cuff (surgery) in a tubing accident. - my wife has a breakdown,my M gets threatened by it and this thing with my MIL.
I'm just saying that its odd how sometimes things get weirdly tough and just seem to snowball.
I'm still trying to figure out a sane means of detachment. On one hand we are together and it seems to help her in terms of it being something she enjoys, helps her balance her out, and so forth. On the other hand she is all over the place emotionally and pyshcologically. Without detachment it keep me on the same roller coaster as her, but I keep close by to help where I can.
I don't want to be selfish and detach so that I can't help her but I'm really not sure what is the best for her, or for me.
Again, I keep the road open for her and she knows it, but I'm wondering if I just need to really let her sink or fall on her own. I think what I mean is to detach myself from this without detaching from her practically. I'll keep the house going, the finances going, the kids on track, etc. but maybe it's smart to divest myself emotionally to the outcome?
You should see her today. She's laughing, then crying in the same sentence, hysterical then calm. And I'm tryin to be supportive and listen to what she means when she's talking. I'm not mad at her or think anything bad about the poor girl through this but I just don't know how to find some means of keeping myself together through this.
BTW Its not a matter of GAL. I have a lot going on... the yoga...reading...the kids....my friends....the book deal. I've got a lot of good and a lot of really tough things hitting on all cylinders at once. I need to protect my heart though.
