111, Just read all of your thread this morning. It's clear that you are hurting and for that I am truly sorry.
Yes.. reach out and get help. Do you have friends or family, you can call?
When a person is in as much of pain as you.. IMO - the fog is thicker than ever.
I only say that because in the first few months of my bomb, the other side looked so clear. I had lost the woman that I loved, my hopes and dreams of children and a "happily ever after" were shattered.
And what I was seeing.. was a life that I didn't want anymore. Up until that point my life, my self worth, and my happiness were 100% wrapped up in my w.
She ignored me, I thought I deserved it. She did sh!tty things to me, I thought I was unlovable.
I didn't think my life would be better, because I thought my ONLY best was with her.
But now 9 months later, I am FINALLY coming out of my own fog. It's still painful, but I see a light at a tunnel.
Just as you can't make your SO change his perceptions, behaviors, thoughts, etc... neither do WE, on this board, have the ability to change yours.
BUT I do know that IF you put in the work, you WILL change.
IF you begin to GAL - you WILL find value in yourself and begin to believe that you deserve better.
IF you start focusing on the good relationships you have or are building - you WILL be able to notice the bad ones and how to not participate in them.
IF you reach out - people WILL come.
But the "if" is scary... because it means change. It means accepting the outcome even though you have no idea what will be.
The journey is scary and it is hard, but you do not have to go through it alone... and though you can't even begin to EVER imagine it getting better.....
....IT DOES.
Trust us! We have been there. We have taken your journey. We have put our bare feet on the hot coals.
We have been beaten and battered.. yet here we still stand.
So will you.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
