I was defensive more about confusion over my position in all this.
Like most - I waffle back and fourth
Like most - I have a hard time digesting that the person my S is now is the same person who left back in June (IE: the alien taking over)
Like very few - I have a relatively short history with this man and no children. Minimal paperwork and I can walk away from this
But despite how it looks like from what I've written on here, I am responsible for the R getting to where it is now. I did SO much wrong that I didn't touch on for fear of my initial post being too long
He is responsible for his actions since things went south
I really don't think we will recon. but it doesn't mean that in the meantime... I am having a hard time.
I think once he gets home, I find a place and start to move out, it will be easier on me.
Living here... knowing that pretty much 99% we are never going to be together again, is just... friggen hard.
But I made my bed. I chose to stay here to help myself out.
I wonder if I should delete Skype? Hes the only reason I have it, so we could talk while he was on tour.
Perhaps deleting it would help me let go of that.
But is it weird that I am afraid to delete it in fear he might WANT to contact me there and I won't get his message?
God I'm a hopeless case.
Usually I can shake off feeling suicidal within an hour or so but it's still with me clear as day. If I had access to a gun, I would be dead right now. 100%.
