Snodderly's post made total sense in terms of my xh's apology. The moment he started to dig a little deeper than the moment of clarity and began to look at the overall destruction was the point at which it all became too much.
Fwiw I have come to believe one reason why so many remain stuck is not down to anything we have done or failed to do, but to their own inability to face the destruction, which has gone far beyond the marriage.
