BTW - I know some will say "just over 8 weeks and you are giving up?" Yeah, I know. I also know my W and she IS done.I wish I could have had several more weeks or months to work on this. Just seems entirley futile at this point to carry on with hoping things turn around.
This may sound awful. I admire the folks that wait years for the WAW to come back. I cannot, I know I will move on and I hope to God I learn from this.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
I haven't really been following your sitch but see you post frequently and saw your desperate post tonight and I feel compelled to provide you with my perspective on things.
First, you have been getting very good advice from KD, 25, J3B, etc. I think you'd agree with that.
So, while your W is creating intense emotional havoc in your life at the moment, why don't you do yourself a favor and really Detach yourself from the emotional roller coaster you are on.
You say you are exhausted and I don't doubt it. But think about where that exhaustion is coming from. You are fighting to save your M. You are dealing with the constant barrage of insults and hurtful comments from your W.
Your hanging on is like clinging to a rock in the middle of a fast moving river near the edge of what you perceive to be a very high waterfall. And you are growing tired and weak and you want to let go.
So let go. Detach. You may find that the waterfall is not as high as you thought and there is calm water after the drop. Go ahead and take the plunge and rest for awhile. Detach. Gather your bearings. Stop all unnecessary contact with your W. Detach. Start living life for you and not your W. Detach. Start really focusing your efforts on GAL. Detach.
I know you can do it. Prove me right!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Hey Grmpy 2tp gave u some good advice. Regarding you moving on. Well only you know that date. But if you have not made changes and worked on you. You will be back here DBing another R. So why not stick it out a little longer and see what happens. Have you read JB's threat. He calls is a marathon that is what this is. Keep at it
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
And as is often said here, DB is more about saving yourself than saving your marriage. Sometimes marriages are saved but that's not a given. Rick is right, unless you truly look at your place in the break-up and work to change what you own in that break-up, you will repeat the same behaviors in your next relationship.
Now is the most difficult part, really looking at what your part was and changing those things for you. It's not easy but it might just change your life.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks guys. I have made some profound changes, yet I am a work in progress. I like me now - before the bomb not so much. My R with the W had defined me for the past decade. That barometer was my daily benchmark and it was unhealthy to say the least. Last night and this week will allow me to finish what I have started and leave her behind. I realize this is a hallmark of DB, but I am going to do this without the goal of getting her back now. I guess for the past 8 weeks I have had a goal rather than a solution.
I have been forced to detach now.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
I said nearly the same things to my h 6 years ago. I said "h was always selfish and never put us ahead of his career" ( I thought it was true THEN...)
"I sacrificed my career and youth raising our kids alone and you were AWOL and when you were home you were always irritable, so it'll be better without you"
"there's LESS tension when you are away so don't bother coming back"...
yep Grmpy, I said all those things and at the time, I think I meant them.
Thank God I didn't get a tattoo saying it, and nothing is written in stone.
There is a very good reason we tell you to ignore all of what she says and half of what she DOES...
But you must back off. NO MORE TEXTS...and DETACH...
there are reasons we say that too...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hang in there buddy. I know it's a tough time For me, detaching is darn near impossible. I'm getting better at it though. I have found though, that when i detach for a while and cut off communication, I generally get a positive response from my EX and she seems happy to hear from me, or she initiates contact with me. Like someone said above, only you can know when your relationship is over, but as my DB coach would say, don't make any decisions when you are upset. Take a step back and look at the situation and make your decision when you have calmed down and aren't as emotional. If you aren't already doing it, I might suggest keeping a journal so you can better track your progress. Sometimes, I'll go back and read mine and realize that a few months ago, my EX and I weren't even talking yet now we are at least having pleasant conversation and our situation is better than it once was. It's important, I think, to realize that (if it applies to your situation) during the really hard times because it helps you keep things in perspective. I went nearly a month without talking to my EX just waiting to see if she'd contact me at some point, and she did. I almost fell out of my chair lol. Anyway, keep your head up and go do something fun!
