Jogging and being in shape is a 180 for me. I never did it before and was completely overweight. Unfortunately, she probably sees it as something I am doing to win her back. She has definitely noticed though and comments on it all the time. I've probably lost like 40lbs in 2 months ( I know not healthy, but it's mostly due to stress of everything). I feel great though as a result.
Another big 180 is showing her lots of affection (when she seems ok with it). Commenting on appearance and being lovey but not overly pushy since she isn't receptive to much more then hugging and some kisses. I would do more but she is kind of in a don't make this more weird then it already is mode. Previously she would usually begin all of these with me. I do still give her the chance to make a move as well and kind of get close but let her initiate if she wants. She does usually.
Other 180's, I am growing a mustache to go with my goatee. She has noticed that as well and told me it looks good. I always wanted to do it, but for some reason never bothered. If I like it, I will keep it. I have an appointment scheduled next week to begin a 3/4 arm tattoo. I have wanted that and it is definitely permanent. I wanted it a year or so before all of this and she knows it, so don't freak out. This is just a good time to go ahead and do it for myself. She seemed excited to hear about it. Am I doing any of these to get her to come back... I am doing them because at one point I wanted to do them and now is as good a time as any. If they spur her to be intrigued and come back then cool.
To be honest, W has said a few times that she is actually worried to be with me as she doesn't think she knows me. Maybe an exaggeration, but not sure.
We have a had a rough couple of days with some fighting about R. The main issue is that I am just having a horrible time not being with her and not talking about getting to work on the R. I seem to keep pushing her for an answer of whether she wants to be with me or not and she just keeps saying I don't know to basically everything.
She came over tonight to take care of our dogs, hugged, kissed, sat down next to me followed by a 2 hour conversation. All I know is that she goes back and forth in the conversation. One second she will be talking about coming home, and the next she will be saying that if she could do anything without any consequences she would live on her own. This will be immediately followed by a hug or a kiss and some statement to the effect of "when I say that out loud, I just think I can't live my life without you though". She is clearly conflicted for a bunch of reasons, but I doubt one of them is the A or being with that guy. The problem as you stated is the real issues in our R. I don't know that she is committed to fixing them and seems to think that it would be easier to forget about them and move on. This six week period is supposedly for her to figure this out along with working on some of own issues in IC. She decided that she wanted to come over on Sunday all day out of the blue. We had planned a date, but nothing specific. I also asked her later after she left if she wanted to go on a date later in the week and she said probably but we would play it by ear. This is a mini-180 for me as normally I wouldn't pursue her previously.
I don't really see the six week period as a delaying tactic, nor did she really have a plan for walking away. She is living on her Sisters floor on an air mattress with a laundry basket as luggage. This has been her situation on and off for 2 months. Now that we sort of agreed to do it for 6 weeks officially she still hasn't done anything more permanent. If that is an exit strategy then it is a sad one at that.
GAL is really killing me. I am seemingly always depressed about the situation and have an exceptionally difficult time being around other people. My mind wanders back to what's going on with W so frequently that I have a hard time keeping conversation or focusing on something that used to be fun. Tried reading books more and going out with guy friends for some beer. Tomorrow going to go to friends to home brew which is a hobby of mine. Other then that, not a lot going on.
I guess what I am struggling with the most is that she just won't make a decision. Of course I want her to be with me, but I also don't want to be in limbo forever either. She has stated that 6 weeks is not a long time if she is going to be with me for a lifetime. I guess I'll know more as we get closer to the end of that time frame, but I'm not exactly holding my breath this will get any clearer by then.
I know my situation on this board is not as dire as lot of peoples. Nonetheless, I miss my W like crazy.
_________________________ Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
