Forward, slow as she goes

[BeingMe]

Thanks BH, for your input. The thing is, if I wanted H back, I would do all those things. I don't, at this moment in time, want him back. I am just waiting for spring when we can sell the house, then I will decide whether to move out of this town, or stay. But, it won't be with him.

I have no problem picking him up from the airport ... it's only every 3 or 4 weeks, so it's not a big thing. He might be happy with the status quo, but spring will come, and I am busy getting rid of stuff, fluffing up the house in preparation to sell it. Next week, I'm going to be doing some painting.

Maybe I am a "passive stander" ... I don't feel like I'm standing. I am planning for other things in my future, but the process of dislodging from this R will take time. I am grateful that he's not a mean person, and he's making it very easy for me. It's probably why I haven't kicked him out. Hard to do that to someone being nice to you.

I must be such a boring poster. Same ol', same ol'! I really don't have any hope that he will change, no expectation of his having an epiphany, "Gadzooks! What was I thinking ... my poor D, how I have wronged you. Please forgive me, and we will go to counselling and I will right all the wrongs I have made ... blah blah blah." If he did that, I would be very, very suspicious. LOL

I am so done with this M, that I can pick him up at the airport, without feeling resentful. I do get pouty (as WCW puts it) when I think he's coming home the one day, then it changes. Because I do have a life. I only suggested he stay there because I felt it would be easier for him ... he came home today, and has to leave again on Sunday. What's the point? And, it is up to him whether he wants to come home or not. I don't care one way or the other.

I finally got "it", after that long IM we had awhile ago. Nothing is going to change, unless I change it, and that is in the works. I think he's saying he's confused, etc. is just his way of saying, "it's me that's the problem, not you." In the meantime, believing the opposite.

Anyway, thanks for putting up with my pacivity, and still taking time to post. And to everyone else who still follows my thread.

Maybe it's time to stop posting on the bb ... even I am getting bored with the whole sitch. I just want it to be over, but I have to wait.