thanks ces It's really a conscience challenge to not get hooked onto these little glimmers of hope, because in the end, all we end up with is disappointment.
I didn't realize that I was doing a 180 by sitting with him- until afterwards, I remembered something he said a few weeks ago when he was angry: "You never took an interest in things I like".... well, there ya go. I did tonight!
AND he left in sweatpants and a gym t-shirt... pretty sure he's not going to a bar or club in that!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
It's definitely important to not get our hopes up over the small glimmers of hope. I believe that your H is confused, though he seems so firm in his choice, and because of his confusion he will do and say things once in a while that have the potential to get your hopes up. Detach! It is truly essential to detach so that you're not hung up on his every word/move. I do wish your H didn't feel like he could come to your home whenever he wants. He needs to FEEL that he can't have you/his family at the drop of a hat. Remember how J started acting a few days ago after feeling me truly detach from him? You can do it!
As for your 180, I think that was a good move, regardless of the fact that it irks me that he can come and go as he wants. You are growing and changing I was the same way with J. I wouldn't really pay attention if it was something I wasn't interested in. I listen to him much more intently now, and he has noticed and commented on it (after he noticed that I had detached...before that he wouldn't have really cared because he wasn't fearing losing me).
What are you doing for yourself tonight? I am eating my delicious Lemon & Triple Ginger ice cream (Trader Joe's) and will soon be putting the kids to bed. Then I'm going to watch a movie or two and chat with a girlfriend on the phone Hope you find something to do that brings a smile to your pretty face!
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
I swear to God you said you had a "left to right" defect, you bonehead!!
now I feel like I made you feel worse!!
Anyhow, still no biggie (but my h is a great minimizer). He's shrugging your measly 3.1% off....
Hope you're feeling better! You're getting some luv...and it IS a positive your h stayed there AND
a great 180 watching the youtube... (small consistent changes are actually easier to believe in, than grand gestures so YES it counts)
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I have not posted to you before, but I just started to follow your sitch a couple of days ago. I really admire your strength in such a difficult time for you. You are a source of inspiration for me, specially seeing your positivity and willingness to change and grow. I had a rough day, but you have given me a different perspective.
I pray and have faith that everything will turn out ok for you healthwise. I will continue following you and hopefully showing some encouragement along the way.
Hang in there - You are doing great!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Thanks for all the love and support! I will respond to each of you (when I'm not in my phone).... But I had to mention MORE strange behavior from H.....
He was supposed to come over this morning for our family breakfast. Sometime between 11pm and 3am, he came home and slept in the guest room! He's in the shower right now, so I haven't gotten any explanation yet, and I don't intend on asking for one.
Would it be too bold to say: "this is a nice surprise. I know the boys love having you here in the morning." ??
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Maybe just the 2nd half after you guys have been hanging out "The boys loved having you here" I think if you say it first thing it will be too much pressure for the rest of the morning. Dress cute and maybe put on some fun music for the kids to dance to. Enjoy:)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Pur, Jenna.. well really..all of you... you're so lucky that you have your H *there* with you so they can notice the 180s and detachments.
Long distance, you've really only got... Not sending them emails for a long as possible, waiting to answer theirs if they contact you and thats about it.
And if you're not talking, then you can't TELL them about the 180s. Yes 180s are for yourself. But truth be told, they are also to present a bigger, badder, better you to your WAS.
(((111))) That has to be so hard. It's really a shame we don't all live near one another! GAL would be so much fun
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
It's really a conscience challenge to not get hooked onto these little glimmers of hope, because in the end, all we end up with is disappointment.
