MB- The more time that passes by, the more he starts taking responsibility for his choices and actions. He recognizes that he has a lot of growing to do. I hope he starts taking steps towards growth, mostly for his own sake. As for your last sentence, he could not take his eyes off of me today. He took my wrist and sniffed it and said I smell amazing (lemon essential oil).
Pur- OMG, I could just kiss you right now! That loss of fantasy is exactly what is happening here, I'm convinced! I could not figure out how to phrase it. That's it. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I hope he will come to realize that fantasy is never as good as reality, and I'm as real as it gets! He KNOWS he could be happy with me now, and that makes him feel worse in a way because he still longs for the fantasy of someone else. I'm sure it's because he's just never had an R (not even a very short, non-serious one) with ANYONE else. Ever. Not even a silly 1-week-long 'relationship' in high school. I'm it. Now, he did have a short fling (slept with her twice) 4 months after I left him back at the end of '06, but he had zero feelings for her. It wasn't an R at all.
Rick- Thanks for stopping by!
We met at Burger King this morning to fill out the joint custody/visitation agreement. We were there for over 3 hours! That was a huge stack of paperwork. He was entranced by me the whole time. I caught him staring at me at least a dozen times. Every time I smiled, laughed, or cracked a joke he would smile, sigh, and I swear I could see those animated hearts floating above his head! He looks like a lovestruck teenager around me, and acts like one. I love it, and I HATE it at the same time It's so confusing for me. Hurtful that he wants some fantasy so much. At least now he fully realizes what he'll be losing if he doesn't choose me.
Ahh, anyway, of course he brought up the R. He always says he won't, but does anyway. I can understand this time, considering we were filling out the first papers that solidify the choice he made. We weren't married (though we were in a long term relationship for almost 9 years, which is longer than a lot of marriages last, especially for people our age), so there haven't been separation or divorce papers. Do you want to know what he asked me?! He tried to make it sound hypothetical, but his voice cracked while he asked. He asked if all of this can be stopped if the couple decides to reconcile. I said yes, for sure it can be! It was hard for both of us to figure out who is going to have the kids for what holiday. The only time I teared up throughout the whole 3+ hours was when I told him we'd alternate for Halloween (we're alternating for almost every holiday). I said I couldn't imagine not taking my kids trick-or-treating. Want to know what he did? He teared up and wrote on the paper that I would get them every single Halloween. He agreed to let me have the kids every Thanksgiving night. That's the big one in my family. He expressed sadness that he won't be having Thanksgiving with my grandparents anymore. But every time he says something like that, I get the feeling that he doesn't feel we may still be in this situation by then. Who knows. He misses my grandparents terribly. My grams is pretty upset with him. My papa isn't, but J said he doesn't feel ready to face them yet.
He told me he's been going through our text messages from before he left. I sent him a topless photo of me less than a month before the bomb drop I grabbed his phone and playfully said I was going to delete it. He got serious and said please don't delete it. I told him he can look at all of the boobs he wants now, why the desire to look at mine? He just stared at me. Oy! He tried to play footsie with me and I'd move my feet and eventually asked him to stop. He tried brushing up against me and tried to 'fix' my hair, etc. I moved away each time. He teared up a few times and said he wishes we could go back and fix us so this wouldn't be happening. He said he's so sorry I felt so depressed and alone, and he wishes he would have gotten me the help that I asked for. Another HUGE 180 for him! I think he's finally starting to face reality and start the growing process. He told me that our conversation yesterday really helped him. He said he's letting go of what he cannot control, and he's going to focus on what he can control (himself). He has repeatedly said that he knows this had to happen in order for me to find myself. Perhaps he's right. Maybe I could have snapped out of the codependency with counseling. We'll never know now.
We had to come to my house after Burger King (and after picking up D from school) because I needed the kids' SSNs. He isn't to come into the house anymore, but he did come in to use the restroom. He only stayed a few minutes while we finished the paperwork. He lingered at the door when it was time for him to leave, just staring at me and tearing up. I blurted out "You are so in love with me still." He said, "It's pretty pitiful, isn't it?" He called me a couple of minutes after he left and asked me why I said that. I told him that it's frustrating to have 2 people who are in love with each other that aren't together. He quietly agreed and in a choked up voice told me to have a good night and that he'd see me tomorrow morning at 9am when he comes to get the kids for the day.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
It's so confusing for me. Hurtful that he wants some fantasy so much. At least now he fully realizes what he'll be losing if he doesn't choose me.
I grabbed his phone and playfully said I was going to delete it. He got serious and said please don't delete it. I told him he can look at all of the boobs he wants now, why the desire to look at mine? He just stared at me. Oy! He tried to play footsie with me and I'd move my feet and eventually asked him to stop. He tried brushing up against me and tried to 'fix' my hair, etc. I moved away each time. He teared up a few times and said he wishes we could go back and fix us so this wouldn't be happening. He said he's so sorry I felt so depressed and alone, and he wishes he would have gotten me the help that I asked for. Another HUGE 180 for him! I think he's finally starting to face reality and start the growing process. He told me that our conversation yesterday really helped him. He said he's letting go of what he cannot control, and he's going to focus on what he can control (himself). He has repeatedly said that he knows this had to happen in order for me to find myself. Perhaps he's right. Maybe I could have snapped out of the codependency with counseling. We'll never know now.