waiting for the tides to change

[BFloat]

purg - if you would like to steal my mantra.. go for it!! i basically stole it from 25.. probably off your post!! i think about you daily as well and keep up to date w/ your sitch (just like we were in person friends ;)) i wish you were hitting on me.. hahahaha.. it would be nice to have some attention for a change!

ok.. obviously H did not get the memo that i am going dark! he has emailed every day for the past couple of days. it's been mostly about logistics and finances.. of course he asks about the kids. his latest email (this morning) said he wasn't sure if we was supposed to stay away or coming back (since i had said i want the kids every other weekend). said he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable.. there is a chinese new year festival over the weekend.. i could take the kids.. or he could.. or if i was ok, both of us..

then talked more about stuff bank needed in order to renew our mortgage.

i replied that i was not expecting him this weekend. i had plans with the kids for sat night as well as sun morning but that sat afternoon was open at the moment. i didn't make any suggestions that he should come.. or we could go together etc. i figured.. if he wants to see the kids, he could figure it out and follow through. my 180.. not doing the thinking for him!

i also reminded H that i did not work full time, i work part time (because his email referred to me being FT). i am with the kids full time, and that we had decided at the time that it was best for me to work nights to accomodate taking S to and from school. then said we would still need to meet to see what the finances looked like after all was said and done (i didn't say specifically CS but that is my intention).

i don't know if that was the best email response. i probably could have worded things better. oh! i did say i appreciated him looking into the mortgage renewal. hmmm.. maybe i should have clapped a little louder for that 1%.

i am taking the kids to watch a movie for family movie night at S's school today. tomorrow night we are going to my gf's house for a family pj party (her kids are same age as mine) and then chinese new year parade sun morning! H will take kids sat afternoon to spend some time w/ them. that's ok with me. he didn't ask if i wanted to come w/ them. i didn't tell him what our plans were. he didn't ask.

do i feel sad? sure. i wish we were doing things together as a family. but.. "God, I leave it in your hands... I can not change anyone but myself.. I can only control my own choices.."