Still alone, but no longer confused...

[Accuray]

So this was my one-time shot to tell her that I wanted to save the marriage, that I was willing to do the work, etc.

The key things that I did were to:

1) own up to the problems I brought to the marriage
2) normalize her affair so she'd know I wouldn't scold her and keep throwing it in her face
3) tell her that I wanted to save the marriage
4) described what I wanted our marriage to be going forward
5) described what I understood about the impact divorce would have on us, our finances, lifestyle, and the kids

When I went through those things, I was able to refer back to some shared dreams we had that we'd accomplished -- we wanted a vacation house and we'd bought one, and it made our lives so much better. I shared my vision for what our marriage looked like in the future and said that it's ours to take.

I rehearsed this before I did it and it was very heartfelt -- I knew I had one shot, because after that it's pursuing. When I delivered it it was over the phone, and it did make her cry.

I can't say that it's what lead to our reconciliation, but I do think it cracked the door open and got her thinking for the first time. I think it's the 180's that really lead to the reconciliation.

Accuray