Abusive spouse accuses "WAW" as "the" problem

[Ruikee]

Good Afternoon,
I am a recovering verbal abuser and controller for 15 months now. I noticed some on this thread that are wondering if something is verbal abuse and control. I would like to put it this way. If it doesnt feel good, it is verbal abuse. Someone simply saying Shut Up is VA. There is a kind way to say that. Can you be quiet?
Please if it doesnt feel right, it isnt. This stuff really damages a persons soul. Please become educated on it and try to educate yourself on how to address it with your SO.
There are lives at stake here. Your own, your SO, your childrens, and their children etc.
I always knew something was amiss in my life. Just never could get to the bottom of it until my W left shortly after my only child was born.
And now 43 years later i finally have gotten to the source of it and have addressed it. It will continue to be a lifelong process and i am committed to it so it stops with me.
I had to make the choice of not having a relationship with both of my parents, since they still have not admitted that their behaviour towards each other and my siblings was wrong. In their eyes, it was ok and still is.
My brother has been in prison since he was 17 and is 2 years my younger.
My sister got pregnant at 16, father of child in jail. Her daughter got pregnant at 16 and no father as well.
The pattern continues until someone figures it out and tries with all their soul to stop it.

This is not a self pity story, it is life. Please try and address it the best way you can.
Send your SO if he is a male to the MEVAC site. And men, please do not think your wife is being VA to you, because if she is, she learned it from you.
You have to change first and hope the good behaviour will be relearned through you. But you have to admit it to yourself first, then try to educate yourself and be the best husband, father, person you can be.
Please if you have any questions i will try to help. My heart bleeds for anyone else that may have to experience this...

Blessings