Its been forever since I posted, talked to a good friend of mine who made me think about all of the good people here. For anyone reading this, I pray for you all every day and have popped in and out to keep up with everyone.
Although its still a crazy roller coaster, my sitch is largely unchanged. We still have moments of good and bad, but no D filed to date. I think I am getting to a better place detachment-wise, but I still struggle with that from time to time. Trying to do a better job facing my fears.
The holidays were very difficult, although Christmas eve/day ended up being peaceful- H was out of town. Twice in December he told me he wanted to 'work on things'. This month, his tune has changed. He says he is committed to a D, but doesn't pursue it actively. Not sure why, or if there is some strategic advantage to waiting for a D? I've wondered if he was waiting for his latest tax return.
I would be interested in how many of us are dealing with WAS's with higher than normal narcissistic qualities. Its something I've always known about my H, but some reading I've been doing lately has me a little off balance. My H definitely has some of the more unsavory N traits- gaslighting, highly critical, blame-shifting. He has a very different public persona than private. If you believe what you read on N there is no 'fix'. In fact, everything you read says to run like He!!.
Anyone have a take on this?
I know with God all things are possible (thanks JB). It definitely adds to my fear, however...
