So here goes, Monday was the first court appearance. It was intended to set a timeline and make all parties aware of their obligations to the process. Ohio is a no fault state so a D here is essentially the dissolution of a business partnership with financial support for some time following. It is what it is.
STBX’s L pulled my L aside before we were called and then they went in to speak to the bailiff. They put forward a proposal. The proposal they put forth from my point of view is a little better than the one we put forth in September. Why they felt the need to file rather than make the counter proposal is beyond me. Some unknown is hurrying STBX to settle. “This has to be settled by April” was mentioned. I have no idea why nor will I speculate. It is what it is.
It is oddly surreal that I am updating information I provided last year at this time debt, assets, mortgage balance etc., sort of a déjà moment. Though I am in no hurry I have already started and will finish sometime next week.
Emotionally I am pretty good. I have experienced some sleep disruption and vivid dreams, and I am having some difficulty focusing at work. So since I am not able to compartmentalize it I am dealing with it. I am writing the letter never to be delivered and GAL’ing. Nowhere close to JB’s intensity, but I did blow the dust off the old Nordic track since there is little consistent snow.
Just before I left the courthouse STBX asked I give her several items from the house. Her passport, a laminated newspaper article about her grandmother containing the Christmas Eve recipes, and the title to her Jeep. Her support friend asked me to be nice and provide her any items from the house that may have meaning to her, any personal mementoes. So I am left attempting to determine which mementoes may have meaning in STBX’s mind. Last October she took “everything” she wanted. I was surprised she left pictures of the children. So I am planning on scanning the pictures and boxing them up for her. I wish to speak with the children about it first though.
When I met STBX she had been estranged from her parents for about 3 years. During the time of our marriage she managed to lose some of the anger and we spent family time over holidays and family gatherings with them. There was always a wall there and I supported her. During this time she viewed an Aunt as more of a mother to her than her mother. When she moved out she moved in with her Aunt. After about five months she moved out of her Aunt’s house and into a mobile home she purchased. She has a new circle of friends. I know none of them. Her support friend at the courthouse seems to be her new mother. She seems to have replaced most of the people in her life that one would expect have meaning to her.
I realize most of this post is about her or how this sitch is affecting me and not what I am doing. I recognize there is a small part of my psych that is asking for assurance. This is out of character and harkens back to the beginning of this sitch.
To keep from wallowing I am reminding myself that I lived before my life with STBX. I am reminding myself of that life and the accomplishments I have achieved then and since are more than some, perhaps most people have.
I was not raised to be satisfied with the status quo. I was not trained to be satisfied with good enough, or to take the easy path, to quit on myself or others. So I will not stagnate at this point in my life for long. This chapter began closing when I stopped trying to rescue the relationship and started to shift the focus internally. I am working on what is apparent to me. I will continue to look for other areas to improve.
A good friend from HS suggested I get back into the game that I get back on the horse that threw me. She said "You could even start another family” Seriously??
I need to heal a bit. I need to have some fun. I need to discharge some responsibilities before sharing myself with another to the degree she suggests.
Tonight I will gather with some family members and celebrate my niece’s 21’st birthday. I am looking forward to it.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
