It may not feel like it, but it's progress. If H is initiating R talks and asking you what he should do and how he should feel, then you know he's spending a lot of time thinking about it and he's tortured too. He *wants* to trust you and believe things will be better, but he's very afraid of being hurt, so he's holding back. +1 for the DB coach at this point.
When my W asked me what as worth saving, I had a list ready that included:
-- that feeling we had about each other when we got married -- the shared history and the good times that we've had together -- our shared status as parents for our children -- the lifestyle we've built that includes [stuff you're both happy about lifestyle-wise]
I also said that there was no guarantee that this will work out. Given all we have to lose, don't we owe it to ourselves to give it a shot? If it doesn't work out you're really no worse off, maybe we'll both learn something about ourselves. If it does work out, we save the expense of divorce and the lifestyle hit that we're both guaranteed to take.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
