We talk here about how it is ACTIONS NOT WORDS, that really is the proof. If we tell our spouses we can change and can be better, they will not believe the words. But as we change and become better and are consistent with those actions, THAT is when they believe us.
The same goes for the WAS. Believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do. If your W is putting a lot of energy in being connected with this guy, then she is taking that energy away from being focused on you and your M. If she is "just friends" with this guy, then she can be completely transparent about the R, their meetings, their conversations... there'd be nothing to withhold... no reason for private conversations...
The A, or just for the sake of argument, let's say this new, fun "friendship" will take a while to peter out. There's no way to tell, but you can't control it and sometimes it is believe that letting these things go full out is the best way for these Rs to run out of gas...
In the mean time, focus on you and becoming a better you.
You haven't mentioned, but have you read Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busting by Michelle Weiner-Davis? All of how to help deal with your sitch is in the books.
Other members here can help support you in this, but the books really spell it all out, very clearly.
