You know, I feel like I'm applying for a job or something and my skills and abilities are being tested. I feel like I need to show that I have what it takes and I'm up for the job.
I was going through some old emails and this particular email exchange from H stuck out. It was from mid October, just over a month before the bomb, and probably a week or two before he kissed OW.
M: What’s on your mind?
H: You and how your whole thing with work and all has made you really grumpy and a lot of the time un-happy and how it has affected us. Makes me scared.
M: I know. The whole work think has been very stressful and it doesn’t seem to end. I’m sorry, but I’m just frustrated with everything. I’d like to change things, but it’s not easy, and that feeds into the frustration. I feel like we are slowly coming out of our rut…with the little raises and finally deciding on getting a new car. But then again, the whole work thing frustrates me again, because I’d like get another job, but it’s taking a long time with no real potentials yet. I know I have to be patient, but it’s not easy. It seems that we’ve been in a rut since we got out of college and can’t seem to get moving.
H: I know that is how you feel and I am trying not to take it personal but I have never seen you like this before. It is hard for me to watch. I miss the sweet you so much. We just have to keep going and not give up. I know you will find something…what I don’t know. You are right about seeing some movement in things like the car and a bit more money. We just have to keep fighting and we will make our way. We are battlers and don’t give up.
It makes it difficult for me to understand how H went from that to giving up. He told himself that we shouldn't give up.
