Forgiveness

[antlers]

25...We have a system in our school district that allows us to go online and check our kids grades and schoolwork. And all of the teachers are available by e-mail or phone. But sometimes there are other communications and situations related to school regarding my son that are only sent/or made known to me...and the same goes for my daughter and her mother. These are situations where we both could communicate with each other. And we could also seek each others input regarding the kids grades and such. Assuming the best of her motives would certainly be different.
Yes, my assumptions are based on past experience. My perception of it was certainly a reality for me. My role in this has been what it has...I've owned it since day one...I've not denied anything that I've done. I have changed 25. I'm able to have compassion, for others and myself. I didn't before. Anger does not control me anymore. It once did. I now realize that love from others shouldn't be taken for granted. It should be nourished daily, constantly...and seen for the blessing it truly is. I'm more patient, understanding, and kind. And I want to do better. I have no control over whether others believe it or not. I don't deny that I'm still hurt by the past. I have no intentions of punishing her if the situation arises. She 'has' excluded me from relevant school information concerning our daughter that she has custody of. At least as much, if not more, than I have her. No double standard there. She's also excluded me from relevant legal information concerning our daughter that she has custody of (regarding her arrest for shoplifting, court appearances, community service, etc.). I've had to go to the court to find out this information on my own. I do want to move forward in my life, I do want to let go completely of my past, it'd be nice if others would let go of my past...but I have no control over that. I honestly wish they'd let go of it for their own benefit...so it wouldn't cause them any more pain or affect their future happiness. I wish it for their benefit MUCH more than for my own. I see your point though...you want me to let go of 'her' past too. "Be here now, today. And go from this day forward. No matter what else she did in the past--let it go. Start fresh." OK. I do see the utter importance of this. I do realize that my negative assumptions and projections of her intent don't help me. It is hard though, to just push aside how she's dealt with me in the past. I don't take anything out on anybody anymore, except maybe myself. Hurt, feeling bad...I just feel them now...but I don't take it out on others. "It's fine to prepare for the worst, but stop assuming it, fearing it, expecting it, and borrowing it from tomorrow." OK. That makes sense and I do see how important that is. These are the kinds of things that I really benefit from in communicating with you...these statements that you make that really strike a cord. " Stop what you know is not helpful...
Our thoughts matter...and you actually CAN control THOSE." Again, I agree wholeheartedly.
I must let go of things that are beyond my control.
Maybe my wish for co-parenting isn't possible. But I do feel it would be in the best interests of our kids if we could. I think she still holds a lot more resentment toward me than I hold negative feelings regarding her. She's made it clear to my brother. It'd sure be in the kids best interests if we weren't at war with each other anymore. I guess 'let it go' rings true again here. Shouldn't I at least put forth an effort though, when the time is right?
Because parenting separately hasn't been beneficial for the kids.
I have no desire to control anybody but me. I am hurt; I think anybody would be under these circumstances. Him leaving our home and being over there for this long IS new. The problems that it presents ARE new.
Yep, he played us. I see it for what it is. He didn't get his way and ran to the other parent. She sees it differently. She sent a text to my brother saying that he needed time in a "happy, peaceful, truthful, positive environment". Yeah...I wouldn't die from that worst case scenerio...but it truly would be awful for me.
I do realize that I'm making myself miserable thinking about it, and the possibilities of it getting worse...ahead of time. I'll work on that the best I can.