My Sitch/any better ideas than going dark?

[Broken74]

Hey Kaffe,

To be honest, she rarely crosses my mind. Not in terms of missing or her or missing that marriage anyway. We still have a lot of mutual friends, but I'm certain we will never socialize again, and I am ok with that, because in all honesty that is what I deserve. I think of her in terms of my guilt, for the things I did to her. The fact of the matter is there was no passion or fire in our marriage at all. That realtionship made me think that I was subpar lover etc that I later found out was not the case/greatly affected my self esteem. I didn't know what passionate sex and true love were until I was out of that marriage, I found passionate sex with other women and true love with the best sex ever with my current wife.

The main thing that I think about is that I had the opportunity to do the right thing, but I didn't do it, and she deserved the right thing done by her. I knew when the marriage was over in my mind. Point blank, I am very sexual person and she was not. We had a number of things in common, but when the sexual realtionship is not good, for me that is a problem. I realize as we get older that that goes down the tubes etc, but that doesn't change the fact that is very important to me now. I should have told her I wanted out before I acted on her "if you want...then" statement. Obviously that was an idiotically selfish, irresponsible, and spiteful move. I basically just left and left her everything (no kids makes it easier), probably about $150k to the good, and in my warped mind that is how I can justify sleeping at night.

I truly believe in karma and that you reap what you sow. I am paying the piper now with interest... Truth be told I have been such a jerk to so many that I really don't deserve any woman, but as you said it is time for me to work on being the best man I can be, and by my calculations I have 8 months to do it before putting a bow on this one.

Thank you again Kaffe :-)