DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 2)

[rickb89]

I wondering about "piecing". Are we piecing if we are finding answers to our issues as my W climbs out of her breakdown. Or is it really just her piecing herself back together while I am beside her offering my support. If she has not said to me that she is specifically trying to repair our M but instead I see her working on putting herself back together and in the meantime we seem to be better off, is that really piecing? Maybe it doesn't matter that this has a name or not.


And I'm thinking about detaching. That seemed so much easier to do when things were so bad because we didn't have any answers yet. It was easier to detach because she was totally gone from my life.

Now that that phase is over and she is in a healing phase I find it harder to detach and that is making me want to back off more. For example we do a lot together and it is enjoyable in many ways limited by where she's at but nice nonetheless and offers some hope for a R.

Because of our gains I have more hope but at the same time need to detach more to not live on her rollercoaster. So as we get closer I need tp detach more for my own good but to keep things olgoing well with her I need to "act" more while I remain more detached. In a way I feel like I'm living in a hall of mirrors where everything is backwards.

To feel good I need to detach. To keep our mojo going I need to keep going along with our nice times together but keep acting.

I'm getting really really tired. Sometimes I feel like I will see this through to the end and at the moment I know we R I will drop dead from exhaustion.

I don't know what it is but I'm getting detached without trying. Almost like watching her and I in a movie and I'm just a guy in the audience.

Maybe I not explaining this well. I love her but and getting strangely disconnected to the outcome. And I'm thinking I have been on my own for so long now that its no longer as threatening as it once was. I miss being with someone I don't have to DB with. I guess I should glad for the opportunity for a new M with her but I'm sooooooo tired!