Ugh...having a crappy night. H just sprung his R talk while he was getting ready for soccer and it didn't go very well. While I tried to remember to stay composed, I'm sure my tone wasn't the greatest (I didn't yell, just let my frustration come out more than I wanted). H asked if I had given any more thought about things and I told him I hadn't changed my mind, and he said he didn't change his either. He said we're still not good together, he doesn't like coming home, doesn't like the tension. He said that he's tried for 13 years to make us work and I didn't listen. I know, I know...I shouldn't believe anything he says and I tried not to get defensive, but I think I did a few times. I so wanted to bring up OW, but didn't. Although I did make some indications by saying I have nothing to hide from him (that's after he was accusing me for doing or not doing something) and he said he didn't either. H said that he wants us to do everything amicable for the sake of our son. I said that I'll do what's best for me and S4. Ugh, why does he have to be such a stubborn head. When is he going to "snap out" of it? H sure has a way to put me down and feel like I failed. Feeling frustrated right now, but in a way it might be good if he did leave. H never mentioned what exactly he wants...S or D? He just says we'd go "our separate ways". Seeing how impatient he is with S4 and always at him for talking too loud, or moving, or not doing this or that....it makes it easier for me to imagine life without him because I don't like seeing that. I want S4 to have a dad who shows his love and not always at him for something. Of course he'll always be his dad, but if this is how he chooses to be with S4, then it will be painful for me to watch.
