waiting for the tides to change

[purgatory]

I don't know of the relationship you've had with MIL, but being able to communicate with mine has been a great help. I think that you need to ask yourself which reason do you want to see her:
1. Because she's the grandmother and you want the kids to see her.
2. She'll become an advocate for you against H.
3. She'll have some insight into H's mind and be able to help you.
4. She's always been a good friend and you just enjoy her company.
After my bomb, I was guilty of turning to my MIL for reason's 2 and 3...In fact, *I* was the one that told her H dropped the bomb! She knew we were separated and working on it, but she was caught off guard about the bomb. (My H doesn't talk to her about us anymore because in october, he was sharing with her why he felt he needed to leave, and she told him that she originally thought that he had cheated on me. H was so insulted that his own mom could think that of him, so he cut off talking to her for 2 months. Now, they only talk about the kids.... but it's interesting to note that maybe his mom knew something at that time that H wasn't ready to admit/accept- because of course we all know that he's been interested in my BFF for some time.) I was also the one to tell MIL about OW- and she flew back at H! He called me and asked what I said to her and that he didn't want anyone to know (so his embarrassed/ashamed??)

Sorry for my personal tangent..... Anyways, Now I talk to MIL for 1 and 4. It's important that you're honest with yourself about your motivations so your H doesn't feel like you're trying to get his family against him.

Ok, enough about that!

SOoooooo proud of you for getting out of the house with the kids. I'm glad to see that you AD are helping with the panic attacks- they can be so debilitating and don't allow you to even try to GAL.

I think that going dark to protect yourself is the right motivation. As opposed to if you were doing it to get him to show an interest. Only you know what you need to do cope and be able to take care of your emotions- and you're doing it
[HOW do you go dark with kids? I want to go dim/dark- but not sure what that looks like with kids in the picture]

I'm encouraged to see you start coming out of the depression/panic fog. For me, that low place is always just under the surface- but I try to pile on laughing kids, funny movies, relaxing showers and reading/posting here- on top of it so it can stay put away a little bit longer. Don't be hard on yourself if/when it creeps back up, (as bklyn told me:) This is the hardest thing to go through, crying is perfectly acceptable.

((((BF))))