waiting for the tides to change

[BFloat]

Watching my daughter play at a play centre. trying to get to a semblance of normal. i'm managing to get out of the house. the panic and anxiety are still there at times but subsiding which i think is the ADs finally kicking in.

I responded to H's last email simply w/ a question asking about the interest rate he was quoted by the bank (for mortgage renewal). he emailed back talking about kids and hoping they were good. quoted me the interest rate.. and wanted to know if i wanted him to look at additional options. i'm guessing he's trying to be all friendly but i'm just not that interested in being his bff.

i'm trying to be as dark as possible mainly for my own well-being. i'm angry when i see my daughter get sad when she hears her cousin speaking about her daddy and my daughter wondering where hers is. i so want to be done with this emotional roller coaster!

my MIL is moving to the US at the end of the month. she finally sent me an email saying she's been thinking a lot about me and wants to come see me. i'm not quite sure what i want to do at this point. i would like to see her (as she's been a part of my life for 12 yrs!) but not sure if it's the best thing to do.

anyone have any suggestions?