It went pretty well. The therapist was very good and so far very solution based. I learned a lot, I think H did too.
The therapist gave us a worksheet to see how well we knew and supported each other. It had questions like "what are the names of your spouses' 3 best friends" and "Name the 3 most important days of your spouses life". I could name all H's stuff in my sleep. H couldn't answer most of the questions about me. He owned it and admitted he hasn't been supportive or involved or a good H. And he admitted he has a quick temper. He says he wants to fix the M more than anything and wants to learn how to have a successful R. That he wants to be more supportive, involved in my life, control his temper and not be so reactive. Since my H never admits things and rarely takes responsibility for mistakes, this is HUGE. I am very proud of him.
Things got a little tense talking about the boys and our parenting skills but the therapist kept us in check. Gave us some books to read on parenting teens. Agrees I need to detach from the stepkids and not care so much since I am pretty much powerless in this situation and getting upset is not helping anything and adding more stress to the M. I'm working on it but I love the boys so this is very, very hard for me.
I walked out of there feeling like maybe he does love me and maybe he is committed to fixing this but also confused because I can clearly see that unless he does step up, I have nothing to gain from this relationship but lost years, lost dreams and lots of his life and his drama. Things have to change. Maybe he sees that now. I hope.
H came to my office and surprised me for lunch today. Was very sweet of him.
Test results came back from the CT Scan - found nothing. Since I'm in pain obviously something is wrong so now have to think about more tests.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
He owned it and admitted he hasn't been supportive or involved or a good H. And he admitted he has a quick temper. He says he wants to fix the M more than anything and wants to learn how to have a successful R. That he wants to be more supportive, involved in my life, control his temper and not be so reactive. Since my H never admits things and rarely takes responsibility for mistakes, this is HUGE. I am very proud of him. 