WHG: Chasing that rabbit with the pocketwatch

[workinghardguy]

I feel a bit lost. I feel like I should be doing something. My W has her loan for her deposit and first month's rent. She is packing. She is scheduled to move in three weeks time.

I don't believe anything will stop this now. I think about letters, about one last conversation, about pleading the case. I know that's the not the right strategy. It's the intuitive thing to do, and all of this is counter-intuitive, right? I keep doing my GAL. There is still a part of me doing it so she rethinks her plan. I know I'm supposed to be doing it for myself and part of me is... It's still a bit mixed up.

Last night I met a group from Meetup. I originally signed up for the meetup because I want to know more people and expand my circles. But last night I was running late and then forgot something at home... and as I was headed to the restaurant I was really late and thought "forget it.. too much hassle", but then thought about how I wanted W to see me getting out there so it forced me into going. And I'm glad I did. It was fun, good conversation, met a recently divorced dad of four and a guy who just separated from him W. But the moral here is that part of my motivation was still external, not internal.

Anyway... I just feel somewhat lost. I'm starting to feel like I did in the run-up to telling the kids. Not as bad... I was feeling pretty desperate then. Now it's sort of a resigned desperation. But still emotional at times and sad.

I guess it's that I know everything I'm doing is pretty long-term horizon stuff. It has little chance to change the immediate. I don't want the immediate to happen. But anything I can do is only likely to blow up and make the immediate worse, not better.

I guess the best I can do is hold my head high, be there for my kids, and show my W that my life continues on.

Thanks for listening to my rambling here... I just needed to get this out of my head and put it somewhere.