Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

I feel like I'm in an insane world. Last Friday, I went on my third "date" with this new guy I met. H had taken our kids out of town for the weekend. I'll admit, I also had the attitude that I do not need to answer to H given we are "separated" and he has been going on vacations and dates for the past 6 months without telling me where he's gone a single time. Anyway, I turned my phone off and had a very nice time at dinner/drinks. Do I think this new guy is the man of my dreams? No, doubtful. Yet, he has strong values, is a great father, and thinks I'm a great person.

I was out very late and never turned my phone back on. When I turned it on at 9 am the following day...my phone was full of frantic messages from H. He had no idea where I was--75% of him was sure I was with another man and he was worked up over that...25% of him was truly worried. H didn't sleep all night. I told him I had been out with this other guy. H then admitted he knows who the guy is (he snooped on my phone) and he's researched him. H implied he knows something about this man that makes him nervous and he thinks I need to be very careful.

H then cut his weekend short with the kids and came home on Saturday night. He told me he was coming home, but showed up about 3 hours earlier than I would have expected. I think he was trying to catch me out on a date or something. (I wasn't)

H is saying he's really happy for me, but I can tell he's upset. He claims he always thought I'd love him more than anyone else in the world--but now that he knows I'm seeing someone else...he doesn't have that same view of me. (I'm thinking...if you really thought I loved you that much...having a six month affair is a funny way to show me respect and love!)

H was supposed to be at a guys weekend this weekend (near OW's city), but he's cutting this weekend short and coming home. He told me I could go on dates all weekend and he'll take the kids somewhere. I told him I don't care about dating. I was planning to be with the kids since he took them last weekend.

H is also thinking we'll tell the kids we're separating this weekend. We haven't planned that conversation at all and I think it will be tough...the kids haven't seen huge signs that we're having problems. When we talked further about separation and splitting...H reminded me that he isn't ready to talk about divorce yet. He has never wanted a divorce and I'm pretty sure he still doesn't. I think H is now more adamant about separation given I've met someone...but also, he still isn't saying he'll give up the A...so I want the separation too.

I need to be very careful and the last thing I want is for H to accuse me of having an affair on him. I've been very honest with this new guy and he also doesn't want to be a factor in whether or not my marriage ends.

I drove the high road for several months...it let H sit happily on his fence with a full plate of cake. Do I think I'm doing all the right things right now? No...I've definitely careened off the high road. But, I feel like things had to change.

I'm also still feeling like I'm on a bit of an emotional break by allowing myself to meet someone new and have a new friendship. However, I'm also not letting my new relationship with friends suffer and I need to keep GAL-ing.

That's the update...

M 43
H 45
D11, D8, D4
Married 12 years
H in PA/EA since August 2011
I found out in September 2011, A hasn't ende