so get a campaign plan going. Start going out at night a little at least. Be vague about where or with whom. HAVE SOME FUN with some friends or if you must, go alone to a funny movie or an uplifting one or an action packed one...no romances right now. NO tragedies...
Dress up, look good, be warm but not fakey...just receptive like a concerned friend and LISTEN to him when he talks, Make eye contact. Don't "lose it" b/c you get upset. If you need to stop a conversation b/c you are losing it, ask to revisit the issue later when you are not as upset...say you need time to process this b/c you have not thought about it or known about this as long as he has, so you need time to adjust to this...do NOT engage in a debate or argument about the divorce...postpone...AND Join something...a club, a group, a church, OR ALL 3...this week!
GAL--it really makes all the rest of this "self esteem" and the changes in you that you are working on
much more likely. That's why we hammer it so much here.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Listen to these folks, they know what they are talikng about - I promise! Early in my sitch I was a total wreck. I did not eat, could not sleep, heck, If not for work I doubt I would have even bathed for the first three weeks!
Again, listen and breath!There are some smart MFs on these boards.
BTW - meds will help you.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
it looks like feedback and support are starting to roll in. you've got some really good experienced supporters out there - who sound like they've really been in your shoes. this collective community is going to be here on a day in and day out basis. they are rock solid.
have you ever had another challenging or crisis situation in your life where you think you handled it well? if so, what was it and what did you do? will you tell us?
one thing i can see from your thread is that the two of you will be in this house together until the end of the school year ...at least that is what H says he would like to do. if that is the case, then it gives you some time to collect yourself and build yourself. you're not going to worry about what you think is wrong with you, you are going to focus on building those things that are right with you and they are really and truly going to grow.
in the meantime, you have to get out of expecting immediate payoffs for the DB strategies and understand this all takes a while. even if H is noticing changes, and he has essentially said so, it will take longer for you to build credibility that this is sustainable.
what you see in this forum over and over is how many people started out changing and GALing to win over the other, but somewhere along the line they realized they were truly lifting themselves - and then they kept going for themselves.
if there is one thing i could say that will help you feel better about yourself, it is doing things. when you feel really distressed, it's difficult, but it can be done. the trick is to start small and break things down into - if needs be - ridiculously small steps. the idea of becoming a really good cook, for example might seem impossible at this point, but googling "cooking lessons" is doable, calling a company that offers classes is doable, scheduling a class is doable, going to the first class is doable. do you see what i mean?
so far, you have reached out and started counseling. as a result, you got a copy of DR and then you found this website. then you started a thread. then support started building. all of this happened because of decisions you made and initiative that you took and small steps you continued taking.
You have some of the most experienced members posting on your thread. There is so much great advice here for you to begin to work on yourself.
This journey begins by looking within. There isn't a magic bullet for this mess. It takes work, time and patients. A lot.
As 25 said, time to get busy.
Below is a link to a inspirational speech from Rocky Balboa to his son that I saved at the beginning of my sitch. I don't remember who posted it. Maybe it was MrBond.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Hello Molly, I am working through some of my own drama right now. I am not up to posting much. I do not think I can offer different perspective than what has been posted.
Breathe, begin to follow what has been posted, work on you, repeat what works for you.
Regarding the mechanics of posting in the examples below where ever you see a “{“ use a “[“, where ever you see a “}” use a “]” They are the same key on a QWERTY keyboard. You can also use the quote and quick quote buttons at the bottom of each post for some of this, but I find it easier to use a word doc, cutting and pasting as needed easier. Spell check in Word is also nice.
To quote text. {quote}paste the text here{/quote} To quote and give credit or reference {quote=JustStunned}Text{/quote} as in
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
Text
To Bold {b}TEXT{/b} To Italicize {i}TEXT{/i} To change font color red {color:#FF0000}TEXT{/color} To Change font color blue {color:#3333FF}TEXT{/color} These can be combined Italicized Bold Blue {i}{b}{color:#3333FF}Italicized Bold Blue{/color}{/b}{/i} For each switch turning on an effect there must be a switch turning it off. Not the lack of spaces inside the brackets"[]" around the switches. I believe syntax is also important, but that may just be the geek in me.
Do not get wrapped around the axle with the mechanics of posting, start simple, expand as your comfort level goes.
Do not get wrapped around the axle with the mechanic of DB’ing, start simple, expand as you confidence grows. There is no one phrase or action that will turn it around. It is almost a cliché here, but the phrase “It is a marathon not a sprint” is true.
This could be perceived as my arrogance speaking, but when I began to believe I was becoming the person only a fool would leave tomorrow got easier.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It's odd for you to post so often for ONE week and then drop off like this. Slightly disconcerting.
Please let us know you are alright.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
