it looks like feedback and support are starting to roll in. you've got some really good experienced supporters out there - who sound like they've really been in your shoes. this collective community is going to be here on a day in and day out basis. they are rock solid.
have you ever had another challenging or crisis situation in your life where you think you handled it well? if so, what was it and what did you do? will you tell us?
one thing i can see from your thread is that the two of you will be in this house together until the end of the school year ...at least that is what H says he would like to do. if that is the case, then it gives you some time to collect yourself and build yourself. you're not going to worry about what you think is wrong with you, you are going to focus on building those things that are right with you and they are really and truly going to grow.
in the meantime, you have to get out of expecting immediate payoffs for the DB strategies and understand this all takes a while. even if H is noticing changes, and he has essentially said so, it will take longer for you to build credibility that this is sustainable.
what you see in this forum over and over is how many people started out changing and GALing to win over the other, but somewhere along the line they realized they were truly lifting themselves - and then they kept going for themselves.
if there is one thing i could say that will help you feel better about yourself, it is doing things. when you feel really distressed, it's difficult, but it can be done. the trick is to start small and break things down into - if needs be - ridiculously small steps. the idea of becoming a really good cook, for example might seem impossible at this point, but googling "cooking lessons" is doable, calling a company that offers classes is doable, scheduling a class is doable, going to the first class is doable. do you see what i mean?
so far, you have reached out and started counseling. as a result, you got a copy of DR and then you found this website. then you started a thread. then support started building. all of this happened because of decisions you made and initiative that you took and small steps you continued taking.
