i have been away from the board for awhile just working on myself and my health. On a bright note, my health is doing well and i am winning the battle with cancer.
My family has drifted further apart from each other. SS15 has moved out, ss14 is having a hard time with his emotions. s10 is avoiding home as much as possible and d8 is still asking when mom is coming home.
Over the past 2 months, things with w have been the same as always. She would have her visits at the house and then leave. In November, she went to court for her charges from her job and was sentenced to 2yrs probation and 6 months with a curfew. So this made her visits a little harder. OM refused to drive her anymore and she couldnt stay for her weekend visits. 1 weekend visit was6 trips back and forth and recently i did the math at the gas pumps $115.
Around this time, W started saying she had to get out of the situation with the OM. She needed to find a place on her own. Well after 2 months of hearing this, and doing all this driving between my parents and me, i have had enough. I told her i wouldnt do it anymore. So now im the a@#hole and i only want to bring her down. Her new way out of her mess is to go to school over 2 hours away. She cant pay her support, or see her kids right now, but she will move further away from them. But according to her, she will take the greyhound to see them on the weekends. makes me laugh.
I am having some major battles with myself and I cant seem to find the answers. I cant figure out just what my w does for me. What is so great about her that makes me act stupid and suffer with all her issues. I have been dating and that was a disaster. Its kinda hard to date when you are using your 2 free nights a week to drive your ex to and from your house etc. No women in their right mind would tolerate your ex at your home 2x a week and every other weekend. I have tried to figure out why i do this to myself and i cant seem to find an answer. My friends think im crazy. Our mutual friends are telling us both that after this much time apart, we should be able to figure it out.
Everytime i pull back, i allow myself to be dragged back in. Its a vicious cycle and i acant seem to stop it. There is something about w that keeps me wanting to fix this marriage.
