Forward, slow as she goes

[WCW]

Yes, I am a strong person, but that strength seems to have leaked out a little during the past 7 years, but I am getting back to my real self slowly, but surely.

Wow does that it home, been there done that. In fact, still working on that for me too, being the strong person yet balancing with a control freak H. The difference is my H doesn't want anything to do with controling me, but he sure has a strong resistance to being controlled! lol

Maybe a good screaming argument would get your H's attention that you won't stand for his control any longer. Is that control customary where you live now or in your home country?

Keep working on it, slow but sure wins the race.

[BeingMe]

It's strange, but in my home country, I had charge of the finances. It changed when we immigrated ... can't remember why. But, I used to always keep him apprised of our financial situation. And, he was happy with it. In fact, he was a lot happier then then he is now. We had some happy years after immigration, but the past 10 years has been up and down. We've been here for 16 years. They say that immigration is very hard on M. A high % of immigrants get D'ed.

He usually leaves when there is an argument brewing, or just shuts down. There have been very few times when he has actually responded angrily, just the roll-your-eyes kind of responses, you know, "she's on the crazy path again." That has been one of my 180's ... to not respond when I'm hurt or upset, but to wait until I can either do so calmly or not at all. He's very much a passive-aggressive personality.

Oh well, as you say, slow but sure wins the race, whatever race that might be. LOL I'm not sure anymore if I'm racing the same race I started on.

[seeking answers]

BeingMe,

Seems the one thing all MLCer's have in common is being strange about finances. Some spend wildly, others seem to become very possessive and secretive about money.

My H had always been somewhat possessive at times and very generous at others. With the onslaught of MLC he became very secretive about it and very much had lines about what was his and what was mine. He definitely became very irritated if he felt he was asked to give more than what he wanted to. It was his money, he earned it and it didn't matter who needed it or for what. He felt he'd given enough over the years and he was done.

Your H at least seems to care enough to make sure his family has enough to follow their paths.

I also know that's not enough to fulfill other needs that have gone unmet for a long time.

[BeingMe]

Weird ... the bar above doesn't work ... hasn't for awhile. I can't even get smiley faces.

"I also know that's not enough to fulfill other needs that have gone unmet for a long time."
This is exactly how I feel, SA.

[BeingMe]

Journaling ....

H is coming home on Wednesday, unless something happens. I don't know why he bothers. He is relatively comfortable on the other side of Canada. He shows no interest in being here when he is here. Even D19 seemed disinterested in her father coming home when I told her. What is the point ... he's still got jet lag from China and it will be worse when he gets to the west coast. He'll just end up sleeping on the couch all weekend, or working the rest of the time (D19's words, but I agree). I am so not looking forward to this homecoming.

I dreamt the other day that he said, "I do love you ... I'm just messed up." Then I woke up. I don't remember the rest of the dream except that there was more. I am happily detaching, and not caring what his problem is anymore. I have my own issues that I am working on, and succeeded in correcting a lot. Such as my impatience, and quick to anger. He has not made any changes, that I am aware of. He still whines about work, but won't change his environment. Still complains about how tired he is. I'm sure he is, but again, no move to change his environment. He works for himself, and he can get contracts/projects closer to home.

I wonder how long he'll home this time.

[BeingMe]

H's not coming home today, after all. Now it's going to be on Friday. I told him, he doesn't have to visit home. He could just stay there, since he has to leave again on Sunday (which I discovered last night). He asked me if that's what I want, and I replied, "it's up to you, I'm just saying." IOW, "whatever," but I didn't say that out loud.

[WCW]

Maybe it is different in RL but it sounds pouty to me.

Your H was direct, and you were wishy washy.

Do you really NOT want him to come? or do you not want him to come home because based on history you won't have a good time with him while he is home.

I guess I'm just saying - be careful what you wish for.

[BeingMe]

Ugh, perhaps I am being pouty, WCW. He's never firm on when he's coming home, so I do feel a little irritated when it changes at the last moment. D19 was a tad disappointed, but she's used to him changing his schedule. I don't wish or not wish anything .... noooo expectations here. I have no illusion about how my weekend will be like ... as usual, I will be entertaining myself, unless he's awake then I might get to go to a movie. I'm not too concerned. I don't go around moping about an absent H ... this is where I allow myself to vent.

On a positive note ... a creative writing piece of mine has been chosen for our uni annual literary magazine. I am so pleased. Yay! I am allowing me to pat myself on my back.

[WCW]

Congrats for getting chosen! pat pat pat

[BeingMe]

Thanks for the validation, WCW! Much needed.