W racing to finish line - do I bring up OM?

[25yearsmlc]

Hey BL

I didn't mean it to be harsh but you simply did not seem to be focussed on the primary stuff here.

And you've been here awhile. And you are making this about OM, and it's NOT about him.

He's a symptom of the problems in the marriage, some of which are your responsiblility.

There are cases, rare imo, of good solid marriages in which one partner is tempted by an unusually appealing OP

and they stray...maybe they were bored or just weak...

but to carry on in a new R with OM/OW means there was a problem IN the marriage.

I hate blaming the LBSer and I'm not really...there are some cheaters who are serial cheaters who simply lie to get what they want and they're cake eaters and users.

But the letter your w wrote in August is not the letter of a user or cake eater.

She's a lot like the WAW who wrote that letter, or so she seems to me.

If she were to tell you about OM, AND she wanted to reconcile-her fears would be

that she'd expect you to hold it over her head forever,

or throw it in her face every time you got angry..

.and given her view of the marital history, is it so unreasonable for her to think that?


So put & keep the focus on you. You can tell her you know about OM but only if you also tell her you "get it"...you own your part in this. No blaming...

It'd be to show how YOU are changed and different now.

And to keep the road home, paved and smooth...