Done lurking, need advice.

[25yearsmlc]

I don't agree. What you are telling him, in effect, is that he's powerless...nothing he does will matter.

I don't believe that. IF I did, my marriage would have ended long ago.

And what exactly do you think you can control? Do you really think you can say if I do A then B will happen? You are powerless. You are completely powerless over other people. Control is an illusion.


I control MY emotions and my actions. I am in charge of my happiness and always was, and no one else's...that's what I believe.

In a marriage made of 2 people, if one changes, then the dynamic has to change, by definition. That's it.


I never said he was powerless. I never said what he does doesn't have an affect. Everything we do has an affect.


read your post to him again

So I addressed that part.

My REAL point was no matter what he does his wife will blame him for not caring. Do you really think she's in a position to accept even one shred of 'evidence' that would show her she's maybe making a mistake? Do you think she will accept anything that is opposite of her train of thought?

I don't think so. She's in freight train mode and anything and everything will be twisted as 'proof' she needs to leave.

consistent change + sufficient time = change they MAY believe in...that's all

But he's still in charge of HIS happiness & life...