not enought time and too much distance

[gunny]

AC,
You will make it through this as you have everything else to date, with class and honor. Keep leaning forward, it does get better, believe me!

[Valeska19]

AC,
You'll be in my prayers.

Dealing with a D is hard. I know that each step I take... brings me to tears. The emotions are incredible. One minute I want to just sign the papers and be done with it.. Other times I want to hold on so tightly.

So know that every emotion you feel this week is normal. Be kind to yourself.

Have you read "Co-Dependent No More"? You might want to take a look at it.

Changing the dynamic of your r is not easy. It's uncomfortable and it will test you.

But you need to keep going.. because what was.. brought you here. What was... didn't work.

((( )))

[any chance?]

Got the D papers today. STBX wants to "reserve maintenance" fro eight years. WTF?

Reading the Journeay from Abandonment to Healing. Good read for the most part. One of the 5 stages is RAGE, meaning being mad at your former partner and your situation. I missed this stage, and have only felt overwhelming sadness. Not meant to be this way. Not sure what that means.

[BklynMom]

what does that mean "reserve maintance"

[any chance?]

It means that anytime in the next 8 years STBX can decide she wants to apply to the courts for spousal maintenance. Like a sword hanging over your head for 8 years, IMO.

[any chance?]

Just got off the phone with my STBX. She is very emotional over the D paperwork. "Does not want to lose me". She admitted she does not like to talk to me because she hears about my life with our friends (her old life) and it makes her feel sad....she misses those people and those times...and she "does not have a life right now". She admits her depression is getting worse, and that she is worried about it. She maintains that coming back here and starting her old job, even for a year, would "be a step backward"

We sign the papers tomorrow at 2PM.

Really wish I knew how to deal with this, and would greatly appreciate any advise.

[~ kd ~]

Either one of you could stop this by not attending to sign.

Why would you sign?

Why would you not sign?

[kml]

And you know, you can sign to get the paperwork part of this done, but make it clear to her that the two of you could start a NEW relationship in the future if she so desires.

BTW - I wouldn't sign if that new reserve maintenance clause hasn't been discussed with your lawyer. That's a pretty big deal.

[Grmpy_Mnky]

Don't sign?

[any chance?]

D-day.