Done lurking, need advice.

[steady]

I don't agree. What you are telling him, in effect, is that he's powerless...nothing he does will matter.

I don't believe that. IF I did, my marriage would have ended long ago.

And what exactly do you think you can control? Do you really think you can say if I do A then B will happen? You are powerless. You are completely powerless over other people. Control is an illusion.

If I do _____ then ______ will happen is delusional thinking. Especially when it comes to actions of other people.

Sometimes it does work that way. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it has the opposite effect. Are you actually going to tell me you think you can accurately guess how it will go?

I never said he was powerless. I never said what he does doesn't have an affect. Everything we do has an affect.

So I addressed that part.

My REAL point was no matter what he does his wife will blame him for not caring. Do you really think she's in a position to accept even one shred of 'evidence' that would show her she's maybe making a mistake? Do you think she will accept anything that is opposite of her train of thought?

I don't think so. She's in freight train mode and anything and everything will be twisted as 'proof' she needs to leave.