i think you are getting it, but look at the text of your own reply to me very carefully and keep a scorecard. when you approach her in any way, i repeat in anyway! (i am being playful with that) what is her reaction? conversely, when you pull back, set boundaries or go dark, what is her reaction? i'm being very sincere now: is there any doubt about what the pattern is?
as far as what her reactions mean to me, yes, i think it may reflect uncertainty or confusion (although none of us can know for sure). but do you notice none of that comes out when you are pursuing?
remember, you are you and she is she. no matter how beneficial you perceive your marriage to be, she is an entirely different person and at this point perceives it differently. i have been where you are and i know how difficult this is. it's shocking, confusing, mystifying, heartbreaking and many other things.
will you do me a favor and make a list of five very, very, very small things you will do tomorrow that are different from what you typically do and then do them? and then let me know what that was like?
