To clarify, the D wheels are still churning. I am hoping that we can build on this little development and stop it. I am hopeful, but terrified of being rejected.
Still, the point stands that on some level it DID work for me. Not where I want to be yet, but somerging happened.
Oh, right Crimson. Didn't remember that the D was actually on the go.
Since we're on this and here in Mnky's thread, since it can help both (and I also posted this just now on NM's thread)...
The LBS often looses sight of the DB principles that LRT and dark for example, are temporary actions.
But ALSO, it is ACTION not words that will show our WAS's the changes in us and cause the WAS to question. They will rarely believe our words.
Crimson, I think what's going on in your sitch... the reason the letter worked for you, is that you actually planted the bamboo seed much earlier and your W was already having cognitive dissonance NOT because of the LRT, but because she was noticing your actions. The words (the letter) just verbalized to her that what she was seeing was something intentionally and correct.
Keep the positive changes going. The WASs notice... and they can change their minds.
I think it's 25 or someone else, can't remember that quotes statistics about how 1/3 of all D's filed in Cal expire due to inactivity.
The LRT. She also mentioned that I ignored her for the last several weeks and that shows I do not care. Sh!t! Just cant seem to catch a break here.
You could have shoved your head up her ass and kept it there for the past several weeks and you know what she would have said? "You wouldn't leave me alone and that shows you don't care."
If you had won the powerball lottery and bought her an island, with a mansion and staff and every thing she could ever think of you know what she would have said?
Obviously you think I'm materialistic, you just don't get me and you never did. That shows you don't care.
Here lets make it easy on me so I don't have to type more:
"_________________________" <-- Insert anything you could possibly had said, done, not said, not done, etc.... over the past few weeks. And I mean ANYTHING.
Now here's her response to whatever you put in the blank above:
"You did __________________ over the past few weeks. Obviously it shows you don't care. I'm done and it's over."
Do you get it yet?
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
yes 1/3 of all divorces filed in California, as of 2007, did not get completed within 5 years...
meaning that in 2002, X number were filed but only a third were completed 5 years later...
this is according to my former divorce L...whom I'll always treasure!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The LRT. She also mentioned that I ignored her for the last several weeks and that shows I do not care. Sh!t! Just cant seem to catch a break here.
You could have shoved your head up her ass and kept it there for the past several weeks and you know what she would have said? "You wouldn't leave me alone and that shows you don't care."
If you had won the powerball lottery and bought her an island, with a mansion and staff and every thing she could ever think of you know what she would have said?
Obviously you think I'm materialistic, you just don't get me and you never did. That shows you don't care.
Here lets make it easy on me so I don't have to type more:
"_________________________" <-- Insert anything you could possibly had said, done, not said, not done, etc.... over the past few weeks. And I mean ANYTHING.
Now here's her response to whatever you put in the blank above:
"You did __________________ over the past few weeks. Obviously it shows you don't care. I'm done and it's over."
Do you get it yet?
I don't agree. What you are telling him, in effect, is that he's powerless...nothing he does will matter.
I don't believe that. IF I did, my marriage would have ended long ago.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I don't think that steady meant that he was powerless, at least that's not how I took it. I took it as at this point in time whatever was done was going to get the same response, at least outwardly. I feel this about my Waw sometimes, I still believe my actions have power and affect, she just isn't in a place to allow me, or quite possibly even herself, to see that affect. Jmo of that post, I could be way off, but either way I think my Waw has responded out of her anger in this way and I have felt that nothing would have brought about a positive response -at this point in time.
I don't agree. What you are telling him, in effect, is that he's powerless...nothing he does will matter.
I don't believe that. IF I did, my marriage would have ended long ago.
And what exactly do you think you can control? Do you really think you can say if I do A then B will happen? You are powerless. You are completely powerless over other people. Control is an illusion.
If I do _____ then ______ will happen is delusional thinking. Especially when it comes to actions of other people.
Sometimes it does work that way. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it has the opposite effect. Are you actually going to tell me you think you can accurately guess how it will go?
I never said he was powerless. I never said what he does doesn't have an affect. Everything we do has an affect.
So I addressed that part.
My REAL point was no matter what he does his wife will blame him for not caring. Do you really think she's in a position to accept even one shred of 'evidence' that would show her she's maybe making a mistake? Do you think she will accept anything that is opposite of her train of thought?
I don't think so. She's in freight train mode and anything and everything will be twisted as 'proof' she needs to leave.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Hi everyone, don't mean to "high jack" but I'm drowning and REALLY need some support/advice. I'm hardly getting any replies or comments. I'm reading and following other threads and long for that support. If anyone would, please go to "help me please" - Molly V and help me!!! Also let me know how this works and what i can do to get more feedback/support. Thanks
