first, you are acknowledging that he has all the power to do whatever he wants, but all the responsibility as well. when you get too involved in trying to control or monitor these EAs or PAs your partner finds it easier to use those efforts as a shield for their own responsibility.
secondly, you are essentially using the friend or acquaintance standard and saying, "please be thoughtful to me because we are sharing space with each other". it reminds him of something he should know: what he's doing is hurting another person - namely you. at the same time, though, because you are acknowledging his freedom to do as he chooses, this doesn't come off as a pursuit or control behavior.
if i was in your husband's shoes and someone said this to me, i would feel immature and thoughtless and very uncomfortable with myself.
